I don't want to believe that it's true, but yeah I'm depressed

PurpleAndBlueSunStar May 8th, 2016

Today I'm going back to college after two weeks of vacation, the truth it's that I don't want to, I feel terrible, I don't like what I'm studying but I can't change it because some reasons: 1-My parents would be so mad they would throw me out of the house, my brother did it and they are always mad at him because of that. 2- I don't know what else to choose, which it sucks. That's one of the reasons why I think I'm really depressed, I don't like any career and I don't really see myself having a job nor living a life, my future looks so blurry, I don't wanna do anything but feeling like this also makes me feel really anxious. Every night I would go to bed thinking about what I want for my life, what I want to do, and I can't see anything, and that helps to make me feel really really down.

SnowInOctober May 8th, 2016

Hello @PurpleAndBlueSunStar ,

I am truly glad you came up to 7 cups to express how you truly feel at this moment. I understand how uncertain you're feeling right now about your own future, and how that uncertainty has compelled you to stick to your current subject choice, which evidently is not satisfying for you. If I were you, I would try and sort out whether I'm truly determined to change course. Families are a big part of our lives, and so is our parents' acceptance. They're always are on the lookout for their kids, worrying about their future and hoping the best for them. However, I hope you could understand the fact that we can only excel in things we truly are passionate about, or have interest in. I know you might not be truly happy once you change course due to your parents' criticism towards you, but life is unfair, and everyone would have to make compromises. Your parents, for the sake of your happiness, may have to compromise and agree to let you change course, and you, may have to compromise as well by doing the best you can in it, and making your parents happy by achieving success in what you do.

Regarding your issue of not knowing what to change to, as a fellow student, may I suggest you to go explore different courses through your college ( be it the counselor or any seniors that you've befriended with ). Perhaps you could also take personality tests to assess your own strengths and weaknesses, and also careers that might suit you. The 16 personality test is rather helpful for this : https://www.16personalities.com/ .

Last but not least, I just wanted to say that I believe in the potential, within each and every single human being on earth to find something they want to do in life and get to where they want, including you. Because you're amazingly brave to want to defy your parents, and staying true to your own emotions and desires, thus you absolutely deserve it.

I have faith in you that you will make the best decision for yourself, and I will hope for your success in finding and achieving what you want in life.

Yours sincerely,

Snow

2 replies

PurpleAndBlueSunStar OP May 9th, 2016

@SnowInOctober

reply to @SnowInOctober

PurpleAndBlueSunStar OP May 9th, 2016

@SnowInOctober I have done the personalities test before, I'm an INFx because sometimes I feel totally like an INFJ and some tests show me as results INFJ but others INFP, and sometimes I feel like an INFP. I've been tested by a professional psychology, he gave me vocational and skills tests, that was before fishing high school, the results where so many and so differents, then a psychology student also tested me and the results where similar, but all the vocational tests I've made always say "it seems like you're one of those person who has to many interests, maybe you also have many talents too", my skills results say "you have great skills, you'll success at whatever career you decide to take" (which isn't true, I have failed a lot in college, I had had to take all over again like 6 subjects!!! I know it's okay to fail but simple subjects?!). It's really hard to find out what you want to do with your life, to change from career when you don't excel at anything, when you don't have passion for anything, when you don't see a future for you, when you aren't smart enough. Every night I always end the day praying and hoping that maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and feel happy, have my mind clear and know what path I'm supposed to follow.