I don't know what to do.....
I've been pretty depressed for a couple years. I think it might be seasonal? Anyways, I saw the school therapist all of last year, and when I became suicidal, she told my mom. My mom obviously was concerned, but after talking to my doctor she still didn't set up any psychologist appointments or anything. After thinking I was ok for a couple months, in April or May I started self harming again. I can hardly go two days clean now. Also, I have very bad body image and I've been eating one meal a day or less since about June. School starting really made my depression escalate, I've been feeling overwhelming anxiety about my future every day and often feel like I'd rather die than go to school. I feel so much pressure, but I feel like school is useless to me now. This week especially I've barely been sleeping, I've had a headache each day, I can't focus on anything, I feel like my heartbeat is irregular too. I've just been so out of touch. I also have no good friends. Tonight, I suddenly got a severe headache and I've felt like my balance has been skewed, like I'm not stable on my feet. My mom has lately been saying that I've gotten too thin, but I'm still at a healthy weight for my height. I actually think I'm still fat. Anyways, my mom is concerned, and I'm debating whether I should tell her how much of a mess I've been lately. I'm getting to the point where I can't function at school, and I can't do my homework because I can't focus. I just need a break.
@ChristmasTreesInTheMoonlight
Sorry to know you are going through all of that, it sounds so challenging, I know asking for help is never easy, but your mom seems supportive, so telling her would be a good idea, she might have a better clue on what should be done, so you will recieve the needed help
self harm and eating disorder is pretty common sadly among teenagers especially girls, but if you do receive the right help overcoming them wont be hard, nor taking long time, you can also reach out for listeners to help you out, its a good step that you did reach out for help here, and hopefully you will recieve the support you need here
Hugs <3
@AmInACoffin thank you very much <3 I want to get help but I just don't know how.....my mom used to have an eating disorder and she'd freak out if I told her anything, since she doesn't really know how to deal with this type of thing coming from a totally different culture. She's a "toughen up and work through it logically" type of person. Also, my parents are divorced and I live half the time with my dad who's very controlling and completely refused to accept that I'm going through anything at all. I could go to the school counselor again but I feel kinda embarrassed bc I was doing so well at the end of last year and both of us thought I'd improved so much and could handle things better but I'm basically back where I started now or worse in some areas
@ChristmasTreesInTheMoonlight
Sorry to know about your parents, I can imagine how tough it is for you to deal with such instability, which is possibly the root cause for what issues you are having now
First let me say, nothing to be embarrassed about for relapsing, too many people with many mental issue go through that often, it does not mean you are back to where you have started, to some extent I can say it is part of healing, so going back to your school councelor, is not something to be ashamed of, its something to be proud of, asking for help, is something commendable, and s/he are there to help you out
personally I would suggest to separate your issues one by one to make it easier for you to focus and fix them one by one, dealing with too many issues, is not only exhausting, but it have a good chance it wont give us the results we are hope for.
I know I dont have all the details of your issues, but I can say ED and SH are your top priority to deal with your issues, then after you deal with them, you can start with lower and lower priority issues till you have none or the issues that left are not effecting your life in a negative way
So if I may suggest, in your feed or here in the forum, you can create two separate threads one for each issue, to track your improvement, and/ or relapsing, many people would be glad to to give suggestions on how to deal with each issue, or finding a long term support listener, whichever you make your feel more comfortable, and with school counselor, and the support you will find here, it wont be long before you overcome both ED and SH
Best of luck <3 <3