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I Hate being so alone

Blagfar May 25th, 2015

DON'T ignore me,
I'd rather you beat me,
I'd rather you told me that i'm not worth your time,
i'd rather have you scream at me,
but please don't you fucking ignore me,
It hurts,
when all i want is someone to talk with,
and you sit there watching tv when i'm trying to talk with you,
and you turn your back to me and walk away,
when you end the Skype call abruptly without a word and continue to talk with others,
when all i wanted was someone to play with and you'd rather go and play on you computer than sit on my carpet and play solders,
when all i want is to show you the new music i got specifically for you to enjoy and all you want is to shoot me down and sit in silence,
when all i wished for was to hear your voice and talk with you,
and you go to play dolls with my sister,
and you just sit in bed and watch tv,
and you'd rather play world of warcraft,
and you'd rather not have me here,
if no one wants me,
i'll just go away,
i don't need to be here,
just for you to turn your back on me...

now the thoughts of jumping in traffic come to mind,
the thoughts of just leaning out the window and falling,
the thoughts of leaping off of one of the cliffs near by,
or tieing a rope around my neck and swinging.

and yes i understand that other people have lives to,
I understand that you have other friends,
i understand that my sister is your priority,
i understand that it was a joke,
i understand that you don't care,
i understand that the show was more interesting,
i understand that World of warcraft is waiting for you,
I understand that you have more important things you can be doing other than being with me,

but don't invite me along on a car trip if you don't want to talk with me,
but don't add me to your call if all your going to do is kick me and ignore me,
but don't gift me toys that can only be played with two people and never play them with me,
(ah thanks for rockum'sockum robots wanna play) but don't act like your listening if your just not,

maybe i should just not be here...

6
May 25th, 2015

This is profoundly moving for me. Before I make any (probably foolish) comments, I'd like to let it bounce around the hollow cavity in my skull for a while.smiley

I too am a lonely soul.

5 replies
Blagfar OP May 26th, 2015

the feeling of being alone has to be the worst part of deppression for me, but at least i can find people online like you, who know what its like. so i don't feel quite so alone. thanks

4 replies
amiableVillage47 May 26th, 2015

I get how you feel. I'm left out and im not good with people. I'm so sorry you had to go through that but just know we're all here for you and always. Stay strong and if you ever feel lonely. Come here and talk to us. We'll always be happy to lend an ear and be a friend :)

May 26th, 2015

I don't think there is much worse than being alone while in a crowd.

2 replies
amiableVillage47 May 26th, 2015

I'm not sure...I'm just tired of it

Blagfar OP May 26th, 2015

same here.

I hate crowds in particular, wheni'min a crowded area, even at school it feels like my skin crawls, likeeveryone is staring​ at me, jugdeing me, or talking about me.

I hate being alone, but being alone wheni'msurrounded is worse.

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