@HonourLu, it is excruciatingly painful for you right now and I'm deeply sorry. I'm sorry that you have to fight with your brain every single minute, for every breathe to give yourself a space to simply exist. You deserve better. You don't deserve this misery and dread and torment - no one deserves it. No one deserves this void, this pit of despair, this sheer hopelessness. Let me assure you that you're not alone. In the darkness, where everything is lost, I'm here for you, lovely.
I know how much you're struggling to push yourself through the motions of the day. I know that you just try to cope with the unbearable pain you experience. You're doing your best. You're doing whatever you can to survive and that's enough. It really is. Crying for hours under a shower is better than being dead. Laying on the bed for the whole day is better than being dead. Staring at the screen is better than being dead, it always will be better.
The simply act of existing on this planet feels so impossible, lovely, but please trust me that it only feels that way. Depression is a devious bastard and it tries to convince you that it is all meaningless, using your own brain. Don't trust these thoughts and feelings. Emotions are fleeting, they will pass - this pain seems never-ending, but it only feels like that. Your thoughts and feelings are not facts, they are not a state of reality. Trust my voice, trust someone who has been suicidal and now isn't. This will pass and you will stay. Until now, do what you can to survive it, distract yourself however you can. We're here for you if you want to talk.
Sending you all of my strength and hope, for what it is worth.
*hugs tightly*
