Feels like depression will never let go
I've been feeling awful for weeks and I don't know what to do. I don't have any support system - no family or friends to talk to. I've tried joining other communities to find people to talk to, but I am always ignored or brushed aside. I'm human wallpaper - no one notices me or cares what happens to me. Stuck at home 24/7 with a roommate that causes me grief (that's another story) but I can't say anything because I have no where else to live. I quit my job because I couldn't keep working and deal with mental health problems and all the issues of the world.
This is not my first depression rodeo. So I know these feelings will likely start to lessen but right now it feels like I'll never be happy again and there are too many issues to even know where to begin. So I space out all day watching tv or playing video games because what else am I supposed to do?
I don't really think I can try therapy because how am I supposed to pay for it with no job? And I refuse to try medication. I don't have insurance or a doctor, and no doctor will listen to me anyway. I feel so alone and I don't see how it's going to get better this time around.
@quietpanda6406 Hi there, I'm so sorry you've been feeling ignored and depressed - I totally understand that hopeless feeling. Have you tried connecting 1-1 with a verified listener here on 7cups for better quality support? 
We're so happy to have you in our community.
I know how you feel. I never ever ever thought I would feel better. Actually I was so terrified I would just get progressively worse. Want to know something cool? You can beat depression. Look it up. Yes of course some of us have chemical imbalances that are out of our control but you don’t have to let it win. You can beat it. It doesn’t feel like it now but it is 100% possible. You are not stuck and as long as you trying, you will get better. Celebrate small victories. Tomorrow walk to the mail box. Make one step even if it’s looking up a phone number or a support group. Anything. And eventually all those little things add up and you’ll be amazed at how far you’ve come. I believe in you ❤️
Thank you @carebearx for that kind message! I loved the Care Bears as a kid too
I know I should strive for progress, not perfection, but I'm always going to judge myself that I'm not improving fast enough. I'm in my mid-30s and I'm still this much of a mess? It feels like I've already messed up my whole life, and wasted so much time feeling like this for years, that I shouldn't even bother to try.
I was wondering what you said about fixing the chemical imbalance -- do you have any advice for this specifically? Or just seeing a doctor to take meds? (which is valid, but I don't think it will work for me)
I am there right now.. I am on stress leave from my job because my depression and anxiety are too much.. I operate a tow truck for my job it's the most stressful yet I find rewarding job out there.. I just couldn't take it my life has been spiraling out of control for about 8 years now. Not knowing what was wrong ruining relationships with people constantly loosing it over stupid little things looking like a spaz for absolutely no reason.. now I know you said you don't want pills as you don't have coverage.. if you can prove you worked 120 hours you cN apply for special coverage from. The Canadian government its usually alot higher but with the covid thing it may be what your looking for