Feeling unsure about future/present with anxiety and depression

Also just like to say I compare myself to other people a lot and get jealous when others do better then me or someone's better. I know there will be people who are but I always felt like this. I have been left out everywhere in life with friends and groups and feel like somethings wrong with me. I have counselling and see doctor. I attend support group those things are happy like geee but I'm still feeling the way I do I want my life to be better. I want to be happy and have all those things but it's change and I know it's not me to just change. It's those around me. I know I shouldn't be comparing my life to others or myself and be better then them but that's me. I always see people happy in groups and talking laughing got friends look good. I make effort with myself but not when I know I can but girls as me being one are envious so don't all time part of it and people might get wrong way of me. I care what people think and that's another thing. Some of these issues I feel have been from school leaving school as well and going through a tough time a few years ago with my mental health. Sorry to be a bother

@TreaureSeekers3 I understand this so much. I can hardly sleep at night because of my anxiety. My depression is causing memory loss, no motivation, no energy, no focus, which makes it hard to do well in school. Because of that, my scholarships are at risk, which of course, contributes to my anxiety. If I lose my scholarships, I can't afford my education anymore, which means a life in childcare or maybe as a writer if I'm lucky. That means going home to my home state, since my parents would never let me live with my boyfriend since we aren't married, so he and I would become a permanent long distance relationship. My worrysome brain keeps me up at night fearing my failure, my depression spends the whole night reminding me that I'm trash for procrastinating (DUE TO THE DEPRESSION, I might add), and then all day long I try to hide the pain because I'm embarrassed about my mental health.

@idunnoheresausername wow, this sounds a really tough situation. If you ever need someone to vent to, please write to me. :) 

@TreaureSeekers3 hi, i just read your story. Seems like your reality isnt exactly matching your expectations. Looks like you want a bigger social circle, more friends and more influence and success in your job. 28 is still very young but i do realize the pressure of the approaching 30s. (I am 28 myself). I also expect too much drom myself. I have ubrealistic expectations. (Not saying that you have them). :) But i know i do. Its important to remember all of the things tou have already accomplished. You have a bf. This is HUGE. you have a job. That is HUGE. you know what you want. Also, having doubts is just part of the journey... its completely normal. Breathe in. Breatge out. Everything is gonna be okay. :) Sending you a big bear hug! ♡