Feeling unsure about future/present with anxiety and depression
Hi, I don't know how to feel right now. I feel unstuck in where I'm at in life that I can't say why I feel a certain way which feels overwhelming and can't put into words what it is what is making me feel like that. I know what feelings I'm experiencing but I can't put it down to anything but the feelings I'm having for the future and present. I got a lot of things on mind I always think about. I have a good decent enough life I'm fine in all that but the way I want my life to go I should be there and as I got bf and planning future and him thinking about his and me. Also his kids makes me wonder where we gonna go. We love each other but the problems got now is always there and not making difference until he does. Nothing wrong with our relationship just he wants to move out I'm considering it and he's looking for job. Future plans we got but I'm thinking about myself and where I see myself. I'm not really happy in myself as keep thinking by now I should have what I want. I don't know if the age is taking I'm 28 but I'm not thinking major serious commintments yet. Is it maybe the age recently turned 28 I'm feeling different way coming up to 30? I just wanna be happy I'm not. I'm living with my mum it's just us. It's ok but thinking need place, I got a job I'm ok in going alright but thinking about how long staying now outlining what I want to go right where on the ladder I want to move further up to do a higher working role, I'm thinking about needing to look my best and maintain that ad that not to go away as need to keep it up and buy things for me and working out taking up hobbies etc. Don't have many friends only couple but I feel like most in this world that I am lonely and I don't have friends or any hobbies I just work see bf and look after myself if I can. I don't have social life. I want a better life. I want the next step. I'm just looking for advice on this how to move forward cuz I'm not happy until something changes. I've discussed this with bf already and we both know what needs to but things aren't moving forward. Maybe I'm expecting to much. Sorry for the long story.
Also just like to say I compare myself to other people a lot and get jealous when others do better then me or someone's better. I know there will be people who are but I always felt like this. I have been left out everywhere in life with friends and groups and feel like somethings wrong with me. I have counselling and see doctor. I attend support group those things are happy like geee but I'm still feeling the way I do I want my life to be better. I want to be happy and have all those things but it's change and I know it's not me to just change. It's those around me. I know I shouldn't be comparing my life to others or myself and be better then them but that's me. I always see people happy in groups and talking laughing got friends look good. I make effort with myself but not when I know I can but girls as me being one are envious so don't all time part of it and people might get wrong way of me. I care what people think and that's another thing. Some of these issues I feel have been from school leaving school as well and going through a tough time a few years ago with my mental health. Sorry to be a bother
@TreaureSeekers3 I understand this so much. I can hardly sleep at night because of my anxiety. My depression is causing memory loss, no motivation, no energy, no focus, which makes it hard to do well in school. Because of that, my scholarships are at risk, which of course, contributes to my anxiety. If I lose my scholarships, I can't afford my education anymore, which means a life in childcare or maybe as a writer if I'm lucky. That means going home to my home state, since my parents would never let me live with my boyfriend since we aren't married, so he and I would become a permanent long distance relationship. My worrysome brain keeps me up at night fearing my failure, my depression spends the whole night reminding me that I'm trash for procrastinating (DUE TO THE DEPRESSION, I might add), and then all day long I try to hide the pain because I'm embarrassed about my mental health.
@idunnoheresausername wow, this sounds a really tough situation. If you ever need someone to vent to, please write to me. :)
@TreaureSeekers3 hi, i just read your story. Seems like your reality isnt exactly matching your expectations. Looks like you want a bigger social circle, more friends and more influence and success in your job. 28 is still very young but i do realize the pressure of the approaching 30s. (I am 28 myself). I also expect too much drom myself. I have ubrealistic expectations. (Not saying that you have them). :) But i know i do. Its important to remember all of the things tou have already accomplished. You have a bf. This is HUGE. you have a job. That is HUGE. you know what you want. Also, having doubts is just part of the journey... its completely normal. Breathe in. Breatge out. Everything is gonna be okay. :) Sending you a big bear hug! ♡