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Family rejection + subsequent issues. Losing my strength very badly now.
girl3132 February 6th, 2015
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How do/did you deal with family rejection?
I use todespairand get suicidal thoughts because the love I deserve as daughter and sister has always been denied to me and I feel like I can't keep living because I need them and getting their loveisn'tgonnahappen. I feel absolutely alone as I have no friendsbecause all of them end up leaving me at some point. I had a boyfriend who was a psychopath and hurt me so badly that I might have PTSD and now I'm afraid of opening myself to other people, specially men, and I have trust issues, which makes socializing way more difficult. I also have social anxiety. I wasbullyiedat school and in my neighborhood when I was 14 by people older than that ended up calling me on the phone at night telling me they would kill me. My parents just said "what do you want us to do?" and brother (4 years older than me) laughed in my face and blamed me for their abuse.
I tend get memories and dream of my family members treating me bad,humilliatingme or telling me really bad things. I don't really have good memories of anything I lived with any of my family members. I still live with my mum because I can't be independent (crisis, no job).
I've tried to talk about these problems and about how I feel with my friends but it's very difficult because most of them made me feel like I'm a weak person and I regret then that I tried to ask for help. Others just don't understand or don't know what to say, which I understand.
The story of myexboyfriendis very traumatic. It includes rape. Whenever I tried talking about it, I've been blamed and called weak and I didn't get to talk about the real bad things he did.
I also have an eating disorder. I'm an emotional eater + binge eater and I'm fighting everyday to not eat as a way to manage my feelings and lose some weight.

I've been mistreated by those supposed to love me andI feel so lonely I can't bear it. This week I had 3 moments of crisis with suicidal thoughts and I kinda had to stop myself from trying it. I've never felt this bad. I can't afford help from who was my psychologist (I've been trying to fight this all for years) because I barely have enough money to eat.

Whatever you can tell me, advice me, etc will be helpful. If any of you would like to talk to me, please tell me.

5
lostchild2 February 6th, 2015
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I'm very proud of you for sharing your story with us. Im sure that took a lot of strength. You've been through so much and your a fighter and strong. One thing i have learned is that i will never be able to please my family no matter what i do either, so it takes comming to terms with that and accepting who you are for you. Counciling has helped me with that and more. I've felt judged by friends or felt i was whining about things but I've found 7cups thank goodness. Bullied & raped i can relate. Remeber nomatter what you did not deserve it, it was not your fault, you were the victim and no-one helped so get help now. I am i still have issues the darkness from that day hasnt left i still have the feeling i felt after come up. Talking about it helps. Don't bame youself. I seriously suggest counciling and stay comming her

lostchild2 February 6th, 2015
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Continue comming here for additional support. 💜

SurfboardsAndSheetMusic February 6th, 2015
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i understand. i know thats a long shot cause i'll never understand what you physically experienced, but i understand. ive had family problems too, bad. to the point where i blocked my own grandmothers phone number, where it resulted to depression, and self harm and thoughts o suicide as well. i know all too well what it feels like to be hurt, as a result of my family issues, i also have trust issues and i dont open up to many people. i just vented for the first time last night in 2 months. and i also understand that you think you have PTSD, i honestly said that to my mother two days ago and she responds back with "no you dont stop making this stuff up" when lately ive been having flashbacks of my grandmother (i almost started crying in trig the other day)and having self harm thoughts again. if you feel alone, you shouldnt, cause theres a person right here typing a problem in relation to yours who knows exactly how you feel. stay strong, i know you can <3

girl3132 OP February 7th, 2015
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Thank you very much for answering and for your support. Sometimes I feel like I can't escape and I feel too bad for being hurt so badly. I know it's not my fault and that many of the things they said aren't true. I know their actions speak more about who they than about who I am. But it hurts me today that my life is how it is. Everything would be so different if just my family would've loved me.

It inspire me to see I'm not alone (I tend to feel like everybody feels better without me and that I'm feeling worst than everybody else) and that there are people confronting this thing, although I'm sorry you guys go through tough stuff as I do, it's inspiring how strong you are and reminds me I can be strong too.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

JAMM0817 February 7th, 2015
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There is a saying that I love,

Family isn't always blood, it is the people in your life who want you in theirs.

The ones who accept you for who you are;

The ones who would do anything to see you smile;

and who love you no matter what

My hope is that you find the peace you are searching for, the help you need to heal and begin to love yourself and begin the journey in finding what you need in life to move forward with strength. there will always be struggles, but each one makes you stronger than before. Keep your head up and look to the future

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