Do I mess up on purpose?

I know what you're thinking: Why in the world would you do that?

Many factors, actually. Here's the thing.

I am burned out and beyond sick to death of working in food service and I'm in a state where I value my mental health and sense of safety and control over my life over money.

My depression has been at its worst in years and I feel like this is more than I can take.

I recently started working as a waitress, food runner and busser in a restaurant and it's brought me nothing but misery. They aren't willing to accommodate my schedule needs, the staff is rude to me and either talks to me like I'm completely stupid or snubs me when I try and join in/initiate friendly conversation, never says hello or goodbye to me even when I do and make it clear that they're all buddy-buddy and I'm not welcome. I feel like a servant, not a server. Which isn't the worst thing in the world as I'm there for my paycheck, but I don't even feel appreciated.

I've also realized that this position is not for me.

I'm only 91 lbs with no muscle tone (I've been ill over winter/spring and it kept me from working out), I cannot lift both giant trays of food and the setting trays to place it on at once. My boss already mocked me and made me setting the tray at the tables first before coming back with the food seem like a problem and asked, "how are you going to work here if you can't carry the food?", my coworkers conveniently swoop in and steal tips from the tables meant for me while I was working five times harder than them and they were playing the "looking busy and pretending to work" game and I get told to do things I just did. I get falsely accused of standing around by my superiors and it's just too much pressure. Food service isn't my calling, after 7 years of transitioning from restaurant to restaurant and I am so genuinely miserable I'm having to push through my life. I'm missing time with my family, I'm anchored at home and dreading work on my one rare day off and can never leave the city and it affects the quality of my home life. I can never eat real cooked meals because I'm working from afternoon until almost midnight and barely manage to scarf down a prepackaged salad on my 10 minute break. To me, it's not worth it.

The other night, I got THROWN UP ON by a customers' 7 year old kid in front of everyone in the restaurant, in the middle of the lobby. I was waiting tables and as they were getting up to leave, the kid randomly projectile vomited all over the floor right behind me and it splattered on my uniform, etc. I had to leave my shift early to get cleaned up, nobody apologized to me and they just stared, it was ultimately sickening and humiliating. I cried so hard on the way home and I was so upset, I reached my lowest point like it was all too heavy on me, hurt too much and I feel trapped in life, like I can't escape.

I go back today, and I feel like I can't take any more. What I really want to do is quit, but my mom would never let me (I still live with her because the jobs I've had barely let me pay my phone/car insurance). I would be okay for the rest of this month if I didn't spend any more of my paycheck or found another job, and I've applied to several in retail and as a receptionist. Anyway... I have a good mind to "mess up" and make tons of stupid mistakes on purpose to feign incompetency so they have to "let me go". After all, it's true: I am not cut out for waitressing. It's more than what I can do and it's too taxing on me. I want out, I don't care about the money and I feel like that's the only way I'm going to survive the summer. I know I have seasonal jobs lined up and guaranteed in fall, and I'll be fine if I don't land another job until then even though I am actively pushing and looking to find another. I just need to get out of this ASAP because it's damaging my spirit and it's not even worth it. But really, I can't stay somewhere that makes me feel like this or wish bad things about myself. I'm sick of crying all the time until I can't see anything positive left in my life. I really want to screw up on purpose so they have to fire me and I can be free.

WWYD? Thoughts?