Depression sucks.. (trigger warning)
Hi
I don't know if this post can be written here..
Depression is destroying my life.. ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ I have started not enjoying things I used to enjoy..
My life sucks at the moment and it feels like it will never get better.. no one understands how I feel. I see people being happy and thinking why do I have to be so sad and thinking of suicide?! It sucks.
I pushed people away with my behavior without understanding what I was doing. I lost my friends and pretty much I'm all alone fighting depression fighting to be alive.
I live for my dreams! If there's 1% that made it then I can do it too but it's so hard having no support in your everyday life.
(Im really sorry if anyone got triggered)
@sensitiveShade5337
I just read an article in the newspaper today about a man who took his own life. Two things struck me in relation to your post:
1. Those who knew him expressed such shock, having no idea he felt so bad. Do you see, whilst you feel so alone with your thoughts and feelings, you really have no idea how others feel too. Many people struggle with depression but keep their thoughts to themselves. It's lonely, it's isolating. Please don't isolate yourself. Remember there are people who care on this site. Talk to them. There are crisis lines. Talk to them. There's you doctor. Talk to them. Whatever you do, please don't be ashamed, and please talk.
2. There was an outpouring of love and grief on his social media page. Do you see, no matter how lonely he felt, there were lots of people in his life who cared. Lots of people who were affected by his actions. Depression can make you feel worthless, the worst friend ever, a person with nothing to offer. But it's not true. It's the cruelty of the illness. Just when you need people around you, the illness convinces you no one cares about you. Well I care. Other listeners on this site care. Every life matters. You matter.
@DeborahUK
I dont think people would care if I was killing myself.. Like nobody gives a fuck about me.
I cant go out anymore cause Im freakin alone and I dont enjoy it. I hate myself so much that I just dont care.
@sensitiveShade5337
Hey there, amongst all these thoughts please don't forget, you have an illness. Depression is a real thing, just like physical conditions are too. If you'd broken your leg and had restricted mobility, you wouldn't just think, 'enough is enough, I can't walk, may as well give up'. You'd wait patiently for your leg to get better, and you'd get back to what you loved doing. The difference with depression is you don't know how long it might be before you feel better. And in itself it creates self doubt. So that sense of hope and belief that things will get better is sapped.
Which to me is why it's so important to talk to others when you feel so low. To remind yourself you're not alone, you won't always feel so terrible, that life can get better. And then you have to try and start believing that, to challenge those hopeless thoughts and just keep one eye on that distant light at the end of the tunnel. And I know you're probably reading this thinking I've no idea how you feel, and that I'm living in a bubble. Well let me tell you I've been down a very dark hole, and I know there's a way out. What's around you that can make that hole a little less dark? Well, if nothing else, rather than looking down, you can look up towards the light.