Depression?
I've had non stop anxiety attacks this entire month. I get this feeling of a heartbroken void in my chest and at times I just want to run to my room (where I've been holed up for several months) and just cry my eyes out. I feel better afterwards but not so much anymore. I've been stuck in a brain fog every time I do something it seems to take hours and that heartbroken feeling creeps up on me when I least expect it. I'm to the point where I'm either constantly doing something and trying to get things done til I fall asleep or completely lacking any and all will power whatsoever and wanting to cry.
I will say this. I've contemplated suicide twice in the past two years. I didn't go through with it, I didn't plan it out or anything but it was scary. I can't get any help either with this because my family doesn't believe I have anxiety and they sure don't know that I might have depression if that's what this is. I don't have insurance either and my family doesn't have the cash to help out. Sometimes I feel like I'm a complete waste of space and resources and that my family would be better off without me.
I've given up on asking them for help. It doesn't get anywhere. It never does. I'm not sure if they are in denial or just flat out don't believe me. But that ship has sailed. I don't even really want to ask for help on here but I don't know what to do. I feel like I need to do something. But I'm unsure of what or if there are any options. ...
Now after I've written all this I just feel like a fraud. Like I've made this all up for drama's sake. I'm not even sure what's true anymore. ...