Defeated and Dead

I've reached the end. I've hit the my lowest point. So dissatisfied and disappointed with my life up to this point. Not only am I the ugliest person physically and mentally, I've let so many people down. Between not being able to graduate on time and staying in a shitty school for another year and being in a shitty work environment AND family health issues, death definitely feels like a better option. Its like I'm living a constant hellish nightmare. I haven't stopped drinking these past two weeks because of this depression. Started with one beer, now it's at least 5 shots of alcohol to numb the pain. And I have no one to talk to. Rather, I don't trust any of my friends to understand anything, sad to say. I'm once again typing this tipsy while holding a bottle of painkillers. I'm so ready to take every single pill in this bottle and I don't care for the outcome anymore...