Chronically Depressed after a 6 Year Relationship ....
I don't even know where to begin. But I recently got out of a 6 year relationship. My ex had serious depression, to the point where she would hurt herself ( bang her head on the walls, punch herself in the face, put herself in dangerous situations,etc.). I was always there for her 1,000% and did my very best to try to keep her thinking positively. But now we have broken up over a spontaneous stupid fight and she basically has ghosted me ( completely ignores me). It's been almost 4 months now. I have never been one to get very sad or depressed ( maybe I am/ was good at just blocking everything out and focusing on work ). But now I am no longer in the relationship I was in for the last 6 years & I am unbelievably depressed, sad and emotional. I would say it is phyiological becasue it physically hurts that bad :(
Almost everything reminds me of her/ us. I can barely go out in public because I will literally start to cry or tear up, and if I don't do that, I feel like people can easily see how sad I am just by talking to me for a brief moment. I DO NOT GET HUNGRY, I have lost over 20 lbs in a few months. I constantly think about my ex, even tho I know she's most likely already with other men. What is wrong with me ? I would still take her back in a heart beat even though she hurts herself, is unstable, she has jeopardized my living situation(s) and career over and over, I have had to call the police on her multiple times to make sure she doesn't seriouisly hurt herself, I have had to send her away on a 5150 hold due to her being suicidal. And yet after all she put me through I would take her back right away... So again what is wrong with me ? I am about to be a nurse ( RN ), I just recently graduated, but I can barely even focus on my studies , or ANYTING for that matter . It's like I'm willing to throw everything away for this person who is giving me ZERO effort. And now here I am the one that is chronically sad and depressed. Please if anyone can give me some advice and support I would really appreciate it.
@NewDayLivin2020
I'm so sorry to hear all of this. The pain you must be in is unimaginable :(
I have a similar story, but not with my sister instead of a partner. We were possibly the closest and most loving pair of siblings out there. We even were in the same class at the same school for several years and we helped each other through everything. Then about 3 years back she had a failed pregnancy and just shut down completely, even after she eventually had a son a about a year ago. She had major depression, self harmed, was suicidal, and recently she started having massive anger issues. I did everything in my power to help her and be there for her but all failed. Nothing ever reacher her and nothing ever came back. She didn't recover and she treated me just as poorly as herself.
I too became depressed, stoped being hungry, lost weight, lost all ability to concentrate, and even now I can't go a single day without having to hide my continuous crying in public. Trust me when I say that you are not alone in this.
Living though this sort of situation is horrendous. There is nothing you can do, your own life quality declines more every day, and yet you still love the person that hurts themselves and hurts you to the ends of the earth. Letting them go never ever feels like an option, and even if they cut themselves off you can never stop wanting them back in your life and blaming yourself.
Losing a person after you've been with them for so long is one of the biggest emotional pains a person can endure. Please keep reaching out for help and share your feelings with plenty of listeners and groups. If it's possible, also reach out to your family and friends. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable to people. Only if we share our pain and vulnerabilities can we receive the help and support we need.
Stay strong and take good care of yourself. And remember that her pain and her leaving you was never your fault and that you did everything you possibly could have. Believe me, I can tell from reading alone that you definitely did ❤️
@Soe22
I am so sorry to here about what you had to go through. I wish you the very best with your situation . I can not thank you enough for your reply. It really means so much to me :) So again thank you. I hope your sister is doing better now, or will be soon enough, and that you and her work things out....
I didn't know how serious depression could really be until it snuck right up on me. What makes it so much harder is that it souds like both you & I did far more than we ever should, and would continue to , yet the one we would go to the ends of the earth for wont even show us an ounce of respect or love.... It sounds like we both need to put ourselves first, although that it much easier said than done.
#Sending you my best wishes & support : )
@NewDayLivin2020
You're very welcome. I'm really glad I could help.
Things between me and my sister are a mess to put it lightly. She wants me back for support, but only for the "support" part if you know what I mean. She doesn't really care about me, my life or my needs. Really the "not an ounce of respect or love despite doing more than we ever should" part is 100% spot on.
That's why you're right, we need to put ourselves first and show ourselves the love, care and kindness we don't get from our loved one. It won't be easy, but that's why we're here, to give ourselves the best chance to achieve that goal and make it through :)
Thank you for wishes and support. We're both in this together 💝
