It sounds like you've really got a lot of bad stuff on your mind right now, i'm really sorry to hear you're experiencing this Suicidal thoughts can be hard to manage but not impossible to overcome.
Unfortunately, as listeners we can't support you if you're considering suicide. It's not that we don't want to support you but we aren't trained to. While you're in this fragile state of mind, we could easily say something harmful without meaning to because we haven't had the proper training and we don't want that to happen or you to act upon your thoughts because of a bad experience here.
I urge you to connect with a trained professional, someone who knows how to help you during this difficult time.
Some links for you:
http://remedylive.com/ (warning- the soulmedics on this site are religious. If religion triggers you, this may not be the best option)
http://crisischat.squarespace.com/
https://www.imalive.org/(personally recommend, it's hard to catch someone online though)
www.suicide.org also has a list of hotlines for a bunch ofcountries and a bunch of resources!
I really wish you the best, it's what you deserve.