Back into the fray
I have been doing much better. Lots of therapy. Lots of learning about myself. I respond better to unhealthy thoughts, my inner adult takes charge more often when I need her. Therapist said I wasn't in crisis mode anymore - we've moved to preventative. And it's been going better. But lately I've been having cryfits again. Spending lots of time alone in the dark again. Not taking care of myself. Casual dark thoughts never left. It was just "so this is what it's like to be functioning - not enough."
I don't feel good. I don't know how to say to my therapist that my toes are in the water of another breakdown. I don't know how to say I'm tired and don't want to fight. I keep pushing but the cracks keep getting bigger.
I don't know. I just don't know