Please help

This post sounds so much like how I was since around puberty up until just a couple of years ago. I'm still somewhat like this at times, but I've gotten so much better. By the sound of this, you may have both moderate depression combined with a form of social anxiety disorder. I was always quiet and would feel very uncomfortable with other people always assuming they wouldn't like me. I have done the same thing where I would get too nervous to respond to someone's text or something and then feel guilty because i have put off talking to them and fear they think i am being rude. It is hard to explain to someone that I have anxiety to talk to them without them taking it personally even though I am like this with almost everyone and it has nothing to do with them. I would really want to just not care about what people think, or just be outspoken and say what i want, but it is like some wall blocking me from doing anything. In social settings i would end up feeling like i'm outside of my body and not able to respond or engage with others like i wanted to. I felt like I had soo much to say, but when it came to it, my mind went blank and i would just space out around people and find it impossible to think of any words that made sense to say in the situation. it is a very frustrating and upsetting feeling. the anxiety can be crippling and that itself can make the depression worse.

i can tell you that there is definitely hope for this. i went through trial and error with medication and therapy, but i am at a point where i never thought possible. I can make a phone call without panicking over it, i can talk to complete strangers and make small talk, I can just walk out in public and not be in a paranoid state, i can make friends with people, ask questions - all things i honestly thought i would be incapable of forever. They sound like such simple things, but it is so unbelievably difficult with social anxiety and it makes me cry happy tears to think of how far i've come. I feel so much more myself. i'm still generally quiet and introverted, but i'm not completely silent in fear and stuck in a fog anymore. it really helps to find a support system and find someone you feel comfortable enough and trust to share how you feel with - although i know that the problem can often prevent you from doing this. getting better can take time, and it can also seemingly happen overnight (it feels like that for me even though it took many years to overcome a lot of it). the human brain is weird like that. i wish i had the magic answer as to how to make it go away instantly, but i don't. See a professional if you can. Look into peer counseling or support groups for people with social anxiety/depression - it isn't quite as intimidating when you meet other people who are feeling the same way and can understand. this site is great for that. if there's one important thing i've learned from all this, that is: your life can change for the better tomorrow, but you will never find out unless you hold on to at least today.

Hi blueVase,

well done for sharing here, it must of been hard. This does sound like me, it seems we have similarties. I would suggest, as its the correct thing to do, is speak to your GP. Be honest and open, they may suggest medication as depression can be a chemical imbalance. Or they suggest a therapist or talking to a proffesional. There is no shame in asking for help.