Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

Sending positive thoughts towards you! Please don't end anything, another day can bring a new hope, please hold on

A monster. Sad. Depressed. Scared. Lonely. Secretive. Hurt. Deep in the dark.

So sorry to hear that, @Witchcraft2293. You must feel awful thinking of yourself as a monster. it must be really difficult for you to keep trying. Lovely, let me just hug. You deserve such more more than this life filled with suffering. Your limit is the sky and stars, but your brain wants you to believe that you should live in a dark pit.

My wonderful, let me just hug you and tell you that it's okay. It is tiring. It is difficult. We understand. We are here for you. We will use our strong arms to hold you, and you can just lean on us. Just rest for a little while. You deserve this, lovely. We care about you.

*hugs*

terrible used stressed depressed tired of being ignored used harmed emotionally mentally tired of crying tired of feeling like the only way out is by slicing my rist just done in a way honestly it's a lot and I really don't know how to explain it all

I'm so sorry you feel so awful, @LostSoul320. It must be terribly difficult for you to keep trying. It's okay, lovely. You have every right to feel tired. You are fighting for such a long time. Let me just hug you, wonderful. It's okay. It's not your fault. I'm proud of you for traveling so far. You've survived your longest and darkest nights, You've survived hopeless hours filled only with pain and loneliness. You've survived, lovely. You're a warrior.

I'm always here, if you'd like to talk.

*hugs tightly*

I'm having mixed feelings, I feel sad, mad, tired, but I also feel happy, I can't explain what's going on....

Lovely @saved0329, it's okay to feel confused. You don't have to be define by only one emotion, you can feel the whole range of them and all of them are equally valid. There are not any bad or good emotions. They just are.

They are changing every hour and we tend to think they are more important when in reality they are fleeting on the sight of sounds and images. You can feel whatever you want. You don't have to push yourself, just embrace them. Notice that they are there, and let them be.

Sending you lots of hugs, wonderful!

I'm actually terrible, I just don't want to admit it.

@orangeBanana8658, it's okay, wonderful. You can feel terrible. You have every right to feel that way. You're under a lot of pressure, you feel like falling apart, but you don't want to tell anyone you're not fine. You pretend and it's exhausting.

Lovely, it's alright. It is difficult. It is hard. Trying every day is tiring. You can feel horrible, but it doesn't mean that you are horrible. Our emotions and our worth is two seperate things. Lovely, please remember that. I care about you. We are here to support you.

*hugs*

I try to seem good during the day but when I'm home and in my thoughts I feel like I'm drowning in them

@creativeBeach9200, it must be difficult for you. Without distractions you feel like drowning, like falling apart, and you don't know how to stop it. Lovely, may I ask how are you feeling today? Do you have any problems with sleeping?

Wishing you all the best, wonderful!

I don't know how I feel. It's been 4 days since we messaged. That's a long time for me.i want to message you but part of me wants to see how long it will take you to check up on me. I'm so confused because I don't want to play games with you and I feel like that's a game. I want to tell you what's going on. I want to communicate but I want you to make the first move and I know you want me to make the first move. You like when I do that. Despite everything this is new. The unwritten rules are new. My friend tells me I should find someone one willing to give more to me but truth is I don't want anyone else. I want you and I know you'll come if I call. So why can't I make myself call

What is the worst part of waiting for someone? Is it the constant state of never knowing? There is something to be said for the stomach-dropping uncertainty of having no control or say over someone who is so intensely tied to your emotions. It can become addictive, the feeling of endless waiting punctuated by the occasional moment of a text or call or vague indicator of affection which can tide you over for another few weeks or so. But it is undoubtedly the humiliation inherent in waiting for someone which is the most profoundly insulting, which leaves scars you will pick at for years to come. To be this person who is dependent on another for happiness, for affirmation, for permission to exist the way you choose to — how embarrassing. It conjures up words like

i feel totally overwhelmed with school just starting, i have a terrible support system, my parents are just splitting up and using me as a mediator between them since they wont even talk making me make decisions for my other siblings. i feel like im drowning

I'm sorry to hear that, @Meg2017. It's not fair on side of your parents. You don't deserve any more pressure, it is already hard for you, darling. If you ever want to talk we are here for you. You deserve a life without this pain, lovely. You are brave and you're fighting so hard to get through every day. We are here to listen to you. We care.

*hugs tightly*

Well I forgot to take my pills last night so I guess we'll see how it goes today. I may feel okay right now but I've only just woke up! Wishing everyone a good day though!

@uraradlildude, I wish you won't experience any symptoms at all. One day is sometimes small enough period of time to get it through safely.

And thank you for the wishes! Let me return them, lovely ^^

Exhausted, lots of crying

It's okay to cry @amusingSugar2372. Tears can bring you a relief, lovely. You are exhausted now, so maybe try to rest. Maybe try to fall asleep? Or just lay in your bed and listen to the music?

It's going to be okay, wonderful. We care about you.

*hugs*

How hard can be loving a borderline? It's been one year and half and I can't forget him, please get out of my mind, I can't do it anymore, someone please kill me

@Valkyria, I'm sorry to hear that. I can see you feel very low. What do you think could help bring you relief from this thoughts?

I just want him.. I love him so much, but I'm also too much scared of the borderline, I don't know what to do anymore

I'm feeling better today. Sometimes that scares me too. ..

I agree with you, @Chiaroscuro1. Up and downs of our moods can be a bit scary.

But at the same time they give me hope for my recovery, because I know my despair and fatigue is temporary and will eventually pass.

What do you think about it?

Love!

It scares me to think that I can get better. I am afraid that I will then have to do a lot of things I don't want to do and there will be a lot of demands and pressure. And I don't want to be on earth and try to build a life. If I stay very depressed maybe I will be successful in my next suicide attempt and I will not have to stay here. Or I will end up in a situation where I at least don't have to be aware / conscious.

@Chiaroscuro1, I'm so sorry you feel in such despair, that the best solution seems to be ceasing to exist completely. You must feel very anxious and overwhelmed with your life. You don't deserve this sufferings, lovely.

I encourage you to visit this website and click on the "Chat Now" button. I used it myself and I can guarantee it will make a difference for you. You don't have to be in any immediate danger. There are wonderful people there who can help you ease this pain. You just need to have enough courage to connect, and then you can start to breathe.

My wonderful, you deserve so much better. You are worth all of the stars in the universe, which made particles of your body. You deserve sleep without nightmares, warm hugs, and soft music. You deserve thoughts without despair, and touch with being hurt. You don't have to suffer in silence.

Please, connect. We are here for you. We care for you. We listen.

*hugs tightly*

Thanks @Spes, this is a very kind message. Please let me apologise - I didn't mean to say that I am in danger. I just wanted to explain where my thoughts go and how scared I am to get better. I am actually not so bad. I find it interesting that you mentioned stars, nightmares, being touched and other words that brought associations and recent images to mind. Maybe something mystical is at work for my benefit after all. Thanks again. You are really supportive.

@Chiaroscuro1, don't be sorry, I'm glad that you are not in any danger. As I said, you don't have to feel dreadful to talk about your feelings. Recovery is scary, and painfully long. Chatting with anybody who can empathize with your worries can bring a lot of relief. That's why I recommended that website.

I'm here for you, if you ever want to talk, lovely.

Feeling tired, like usual. Grrr. I'm tired feeling this way.

Sorry to hear about your fatigue, @lifeclimber. May I ask you how do you like to relax?

Lots of love!

I want to be alone forever but when I do I feel lonely. So that's very confusing.

Yes, it is confusing, @lifeclimber. Our brains like to trick us to think that the presence of others won't help us or that we don't deserve their attention. But being around people can really distract you, shift your focus from your fatigue and dark thoughts.

Depression is sneaky ^^;

I feel horrible, bad therapy session and I opened up to my friends and showed them my inner emotion it kinda just happened and they haven't talked to me in 2 days now there parting next door singing and laughing really loud

better! finally. yesterday i cried a lot and i couldn't move. i thought i'm worthless and i wanted to eat from a can because i wanted to get poisoned.. :( it was really an awful day, but today i'm recovering from a cold a bit and i generally feel better because of it. i ate, but my appetite is really bad. i'm forcing myself to eat.. i slept, that's the only thing that's good, yesterday i was awake whole night, it was awful. i don't know what to say anymore.. new antidepressants, here i come :)

Great to hear! I wish you all the best, @FuturePsychologist2. The most important thing is to just live one day at a time. Survival is enough.

Sending lots of love!

So happy to here this! Sounds like you're on the road to recovery!

I woke up this morning and just started crying. I didn't even get a chance to get out of bed.

I'm sorry to hear that, @Hollywoodglitter. It must be overwhelming for you. Can I just...

*hugs tightly and comforting strokes your hair*

Can I make it a bit easier for you somehow?

I want to kill myself today. I am trapped in existence never really living. What is the point of it all? What difference am I making? Where can I go to escape? Stuck in this claustrophobic house in a dead town.