35 and not proud of myself
I've made some bad life choices and I feel stuck. Nobody seems to want to help me, but trying to dig myself out of my mess gets me in deeper.
To start, I chose English as my degree. I'm horrible at math and science, so I went with what I knew best. There's no real job market for people like me.
I left a pathetic, sex-obsessed manchild for someone I thought was better. Ten years later, I've come to accept that this man is no better. He's obsessed with proving his "nerd cred" by buying toys and trying to get his podcast heroes to notice him. He's gotten into severe credit card debt. What he's spent it on, I don't know, but he gets defensive when it's brought up.
I work in retail inventory, a job that's steadily ruining my body. I have SI joint issues, and I injure myself every week.
Any time I've tried to take a chance to improve my situation it makes things worse or nothing comes of my attempt. I should have been somewhere by now, made something of myself. But I don't have anyone really cheering me on or aiding me in finding a solution.
I just keep plodding along, working on my personal projects as a means to bide my time until death comes along. I have nothing to show for my efforts, and I honestly wonder if there's a point in continuing.
@sparklygreenkitty It's hard to feel so dissatisfied with how your life has gone, especislly when you hit the mid-thirties. I have felt much the same for my life-- awful life partners that hurt me, and no positive work experiences.
Depression Forum should be able to provide you with lots of support!
I case you weren't aware of it, there is also a Forum and chatroom for people 35 and over-- so, you're the perfect age! You can find the chatroom at the very bottom position under the group chat listing; called Thirty Five and Over. In the Forums, it's listed under 35+.
I hope you find what you need from Cups. I know it's helped me immensely, and my life is slowly getting better even though I feel like half of it is gone. Never too late to make things a little or a lot better.
@ladylazarus1971 Thank you. I was sorely disappointed with my first listener experience, but I tried a therapist to supplement my IRL counseling sessions. I've quit both, not finding a lot of satisfaction with either. I did get some useful bits from therapy, but there were times that I felt worse.
I'll give the 35+ group a try. Thank you for replying, it means a lot to me.
@sparklygreenkitty this is such a sad account... and it's kinda the age when many review their lives and wonder what could have gone better. Have you ever considered some life coaching?
35, you're half way to retirement. You've not even started journeys. There is so much to do, you've achieved so much even when comparing to others. Set yourself things you'd like to achieve personal and career. That you get a kick out of, things that give you instant satisfaction. It doesn't have to be winning or losing just crossing the line.
