treatment-resistant depression
My doctor suspected I have treatment-resistant depression. And I guess everything makes so much sense now. I've been trying and changing so many medications for over a decade but nothing seemed to ever work, or I feel better for a while before the medicine ceases to work out. In my 10+ years of finding help, I think this is the first psychiatrist who genuinely believed me when I said the pain is constant and never stops. The rest seemed to have given up on me or I gave up on them, both for the same reason: because I never got better.
But I do wonder if there's a way out of TRD. Does anyone else have the same experience? Long time ago, when my depression started getting pretty hideous, kind people would tell me that 'it gets better'. It didn't, never did, not even 10 years later. 10-ish years ago I hadn't even graduated primary school yet. I'm a univerity student now, but I still feel like that little kid from a decade ago, intensely sad and empty and often for no reason.
@Hydrangea03
I have not been diagnosed with treatment-resistant depression. I do think i may have it since over the last 4 years most treatments for my depression and anxiety have not been effective at all. Some may have even set me back.
@Gettingbettertoday I emphatize with you. My depression has also set me back, and now I'm way behind my peers to even dream about catching up. It made me feel like a failure in life, although I'm aware it's not really my fault. It's not impossible that you have treatment-resistant depression. Although I do wonder why this is the first time I'm hearing about this. I was a very curious child and looked through many different types of mental illnesses, making sure I did my research. I wonder if TRD is rare, or if it's newly-discovered. If only I had known about it much earlier, I possibly wouldn't have to suffer as I do until today. Either way, I hope you the absolute best.
@Hydrangea03
good news and bad news: you found confirmation to this frustrating to cycling treatment that seemed to work somewhat/not work/work short term. It’s frustrating (and not your fault!)… yet hopeful… there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Not one of those happy “I’m cured, I see the light!” More like okay there are other options and opportunities I can explore; hope is not only lost, it is expanded. I can relate. To the lost 😉
@Hydrangea03
just to add medications are such an evolving science especially when it comes to the brain (and how patients’ experiences are received) that who knows when worked how on your brain no matter how hard the best scientists and drs collaborated over the years. And I fully believe in meds. Just saying there’s still so much we have yet to uncover.
I would think that it might be better to call it "currently treatment resistant depression". Things evolve and you do get better at adapting to things almost in spite of yourself.
I think that the key is realizing that you are trying as hard as you can. You aren't missing steps that somehow other people are getting. You aren't doing something wrong.
The brain chemicals are struggling, but they can always shift directions. We are here to support you as ever we can on your journey. @Hydrangea03
@bestVase7265 that’s a lovely way to frame it. But even if it lasts forever, I’m prepared. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember haha. A few more years of it might be bearable. I don’t know. But being aware that all of this will absolutely end once I die is kind of relieving. At least it’s not *truly* forever! Haha.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’ve always worried that I’m doing something wrong, but I guess you’re right. :)
Thank you for your support. I really appreciate it <3
My depression was considered severe and it lasted for many years. But I am in a much better spot now. Doctors are pretty impressed. The healing began when I stopped trying to be whole and adapted to where I was at. I know that I will always have the depression and I will always risk falling in the hole again. It could be really, really bad when I do. But for now, I am focused on "hidden blessings". I think depression has made me much more compassionate towards others in pain. @Hydrangea03
@Hydrangea03 I UNDERSTAND YOU. Have you ever been so depressed you felt you were under the bed? Or the floor?
Have you ever, in the throes of feeling suicidal, said to yourself, I am too dam depressed to go to all the effort that would take?
I have been there done that!! The constant pain!!
@KindWolf2023 I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this, but I’m also a little glad I’m not alone. And yes to all of that. The pain and the feeling of wanting to d*e (had to censor it or else 7cups won’t let me post it) are constant. They just don’t stop no matter what I do! Even when I’m, say, in one of the few moments where I’m having fun with someone I care about, I ask myself “Do I still want to d*e? Even if it’s right now?” and I always find myself answering “Yes.” It’s that’s bad!
@Hydrangea03 alright what no doc will tell you as it is a new discovery is the following:
1. Pain in your body happens in your brain. If a person suffers a bad fall and breaks their leg, the leg sends an SOS!! I am hurt badly!! signals up through the nervous system to the brain, which then activates the pain response. You feel pain in your leg but the brain actually causes this feeling!
2. Pain is pain. Emotional pain physical pain the brain processes it all the same.
3. Chronic emotional pain IS equivalent to chronic physical pain and psychiatry has not recognized that. If you weren't in pain constantly the suicidal thoughts would vanish by themselves!!
@KindWolf2023 yes, indeed. I agree. Sadly not many people understand this. Some people don’t believe in my pain because they can’t see where it hurts, so they dismiss it as something I’m just making up, or something that can be easily alleviated with a walk outside etc. Only and unless I physically hurt myself would they believe me. This was me and my parents when I was 13.
@Hydrangea03 I'm really sorry to hear about your experience. I also struggle with TRD. I have tried so many medications. One worked for a few years but suddenly stopped, and nothing since has helped. Most things make me feel worse or cause bad side effects. It's extremely frustrating. I've tried other alternatives (this is in no way to give advice, but I'm going to list a few different treatments in case they might be informative: I've heard of doctors monitoring a new type of ketamine treatment; there's something to do with magnets that I can't remember the name of; ECT has been around for a while and to my knowledge is often used when medication won't work), and unfortunately those haven't worked for me, either. Everyone is different, which makes treating depression especially difficult. I think for me, I will only feel truly better if I'm able to work through some things in talk therapy. Mine is situational, so I've come to realize that it sort of makes sense that medication, etc., doesn't work, because it isn't able to address the underlying issues. I hope that hearing about others' experiences helps a bit, and I hope that you are able to find something that works well for you that provides real relief. Sending lots of support 💚
@Hydrangea03
I have been dealing with this since i was a teen, pills/psychotherapy/meditation/cbt etc
what worked for me and helped me deal with it was accepting that I feel this way
it is neither good nor bad, you internally give these emotions a title and understand that while living life you experience all kinds of emotions and feelings
So basically now I accept that this is a part of my life, i have a greater meaning/responsibility which is to take care of my parents and myself and hopefully a family in the future
There are days/weeks where it is really tough... what I did to tackle it before was drink which only made things way way worse, now whenever I am feeling really really really down I grab weights and workout
I have connected this "sadness" to working out in my brain, and post each workout I feel amazing, so basically I feel down, workout, feel good, and repeat. I used this little mental trick to hack my brain into forcing myself to workout.
IDK if this will work for you but i am just explaining my experience - accepting my situation, finding an outlet, and avoiding triggers is my go to
@bravePine7212
Oh as a follow up, I quit taking any medication and I relied heavily on my internal voice, I kept telling myself daily in the mirror that I am in charge and that the depression isnt, i dont know if this will help but I have been reaffirming the beliefs that I would like my brain to have by saying them to myself in the mirror. I think it has slowly changed how my brain is wired and I have been able to convince myself that I am in charge. Just another thing I have been doing that has helped.
P.S I have been dealing with this for 14 years... I WILL NOT GIVE UP
@Hydrangea03
Very simply. Try augmenting your antidepressant with one or more of the following medicines. It worked for me and i hope it will work for u as well
Lamotrigine (which acts as a mood stabilizer)
Risperidone (an antipsycotic but very effective in TRD)
Methylphenidate or modafinil (stimulant)