ranting vent

Another thing that frustrates me about myself.

Is I don't want to do anything. I don't enjoy going out and doing activities anymore. Maybe it would be different if I had good people in my life that wanted to spend time with me. Maybe.

I should be exercising and I don't, because I get into why bother, and i am just bogged down by so much negative thinking I can't get past it, and i fall into resentment.

another cycle trap.

I know what I should do every single day.

I should get up at the crack of dawn, and exercise.

Then I should eat something healthy and have my coffee,

after that, I should do something positive like paint, or draw, or read,

play with my cat and tortoise

meditate

on and on

the thing is, I just dont want to anymore because i find it all pointless, I exercise and i feel like crap while exercising and feel drained afterward, i dont do anything artistic because it doesnt lift my spirits and i have to be in a positive mood to create anything, my cat is independent and so is my tortoise.

i have no one to live for really.

and if i was given all the money i ever wanted,

what would i do,

?

I'd do some positive things, like create some new womens and mens shelters in town, etc,

but when the rest is left for me to enjoy, after i took care of my family,

i wouldn't really want to travel. id move to some remote place, with my internet and comics, and do nothing, id like to think id be at peace even if i was lonely, id love nothing more than to live quietly , in nature. with a few things i enjoy like some internet access and my comics

and my family.

i dont want to see the world, i dont want to climb mountains, i dont want to be a social butterfly,

i dont want to work for anyone and i dont want my own business 

im just done