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loneliness is suffocating me
goldenKitten7574 September 2nd
.

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for many years. Dark thoughts have already become a part of me. But the most offensive and painful thing for me is loneliness. In my entire life, I have never known what love and affection are. My mother showed me affection only after she yelled at me or hit me. This distorted my understanding of love. My father was always cold and never defended me in quarrels with my mother. He just sat in the next room. My brother also beat me.


I am very upset that in my life there was no person who loved me, the real me. I have never known love. It hurts me to watch how everyone around me gets married and starts a family. I don’t even have a chance for this. I feel wrong and miserable. Do I really not deserve love? Will I really never know love in my entire life? Why am I surrounded by coldness, loneliness and dark thoughts? I want to hug the person I love. I want to cry on his shoulder. I want to feel warmth and closeness. I want to feel like someone is on my side.


This is unbearable for me. I didn't choose to be alone


I know that I need to love myself and not depend on another person. But it's hard when I've always had to earn love for others, and I've never been good enough for it.


P.S. Sorry, English is not my native language. So there may be mistakes. I just wanted to speak out


5
BlueSoul2290 September 2nd
.

@goldenKitten7574

Hi
 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I totally get where you're coming from, and I've been there myself  and I know how difficult it can be. So I want you to know that your feelings are completely justified. 
I know our past and the way we were raised by our parents can greatly shape who we are and have a significant impact on who we are today. But, as much as we'd like to, we can't change what's already happened. So I think we should focus on the present and concentrate on what we can change to make this life better. maybe even small changes in ourselves or our lives can make a big difference and might even lead to finding love. Don't give up hope. and please be patient with yourself, and treat yourself with kindness during this time. and remember you are worthy of love and happiness.
I hope you start feeling better soon🙏🍀
goldenKitten7574 OP September 2nd
.

Thank you very much for your support! ✨

It's hard to think straight when you fail all the time. You start digging into yourself and sink even deeper into emptiness.

BlueSoul2290 September 2nd
.

@goldenKitten7574
I totally get it, and I think it's normal to feel like giving up sometimes  But giving up is never the answer. In my experience, it usually just makes things harder.  So I think the best available option is to keep trying and maybe next time, things will work out for you.

goldenKitten7574 OP September 2nd
.

Thank you

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