What is it like for you?

@Laoozee96 for me depression is like a monster who wants to take over my mind and body. Sometimes he takes over for a while, but I'm to hard headed to let it win. So most of the time we just live alongside each other ❤

For me I can feel it in my body a lot. It shows up more rampantly in certain seasons of life. Currently in a depression pit that has been lingering for about 6 weeks. It steals my ability to work, to connect with others, to enjoy my life. It leaves me feeling hopeless about the future and wondering how many days I will not be in the driver seat of my own life. Yet it never stays forever. Good days and seasons are sprinkled about. Sometimes I’m able to enjoy them but often I use them playing catch up on the tasks I was unable to complete when stuck in my own head. Maybe there is recovery. But after years of therapy and prioritizing my mental health I begin to wonder if healing is possible for everyone.

@Laoozee96 It disguises itself as a core personality trait. I self sabotage to stay depressed and spiral further. I get stuck recounting my life as a tragedy to myself. I will spend days in my own head. I cry in the car, lay in bed, mess up my sleep, drink and self-harm to cope, neglect my work snd hobbies, and just isolate. I get obsessed with self analysis and obsessed with making my suffering poetic. I get obsessed with playing hero and the easy validation I get online. My past traumas will haunt my ruthlessly. If I try to go for a run, I will usually need to stop because I start crying. I'm exhausted all the time. I cry at work or stare off at the wall, losing hours while I pull my hair. I can't concentrate on much of anything. I end up doing things out of desperation- going for impulsive 13 mile walks without telling anyone, drinking and driving, trespassing- just vaguely hoping someone will come along and end me. It's messed up.