Tired of myself
I'm just tired my mind is my constant bully and reminds me daily of how alone I am how I only have my self and my stupid emotions, inside I'm so alone and afraid, I feel like a complete loser and a nobody. I have no friends I haven't had any since middle school and I'm to anxious to go out, my work is from home so I'm already isolated and anytime I do try and be out there I feel talked over and uninteresting/ not listened too so I don't really even bother anymore, I've tried to talk about my interest but no one ever seems to care/listen really and talking is hard so I've just tried to stop over the years I was called annoying for it, it's the complete opposite now, I try not to be in the way of people and try not to bother them. It's hard not having irl friends I feel like I rely to much on family as friends I already feel like a burden and I know what they must think of me, just today I broke down bc my younger sister is always making plans w her friends and inside it hurt me ik it shouldn't but just seeing that connection just makes myself sad for myself, my love life's not great either some traumatic stuff happened on my last one so I don't bother with it rn but I still wish I had someone who would genuinely listen and be actually interested in what I like, to hold and help me, I haven't felt safe in such a long time so it's just hard to even imagine someone actually being there and loving a loser like myself
Dearest @Juderoad
I understand, dear, that your mind can sometimes become a relentless critic, filling your soul with feelings of loneliness and inadequacy. It's truly challenging to grapple with these uncomfortable emotions, so I'm here to listen and offer some perspective.
It sounds like quite a journey, and isolation can certainly make things even more difficult. It's natural to desire meaningful connections, and the longing for friendships and someone who genuinely cares about you is entirely human. 💜
You have a lot to offer the world! Sometimes, it takes time to find the right people who appreciate and share those interests. Don't let past experiences or negative remarks hold you back. You are not a bother, and your presence in the world is appreciated.
I can see that you've been through some tough times. Healing takes time. Remember, you're not a loser, and you are deserving of love and forgiveness. It might take time to find that safety and connection you desire, but don't lose hope.
Please, do continue to reach out and share your thoughts and feelings. There are people who care and will listen, even if it seems challenging to find them right now. You're not alone in your struggles, and brighter days can come. You are worthy of love and friendship. 😊
@Juderoad
If you quit doing all the things like trying to find other to talk about interests and try to engage with new people but wish you had people in your life,
Seems to be a contradiction if i want to learn a musical instrument but after 2 lessons decide i am not good cannot do it. Yet i think at some point i can play instrument anyway.
remote work can be isolating and finding a friend with like interests can be hard for everyone not just you.
Almost all groups i have been in have people who talk over or do not really listen often because they are more interested in themselves. Chances are IMO you will continue to run into these. i have a "friend" who has told us the same story often growing more dramatic at least 5 times when she is present, i only chat superficial and others in group i can relate to on a deeper level.
i too have thought others were doing so much but when i have joined the gatherings and such were not at all like i imagined and i was often bored. i had been envious of them for nothing.
we are are own worst critics and in order to even that out i find we can also be our own best cheer squad
