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Juderoad
988 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts91 Forum posts20 Forum upvotes29 Current upvotes29 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 28, 2018
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kat, 20

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My Depression
Depression Support / by Juderoad
Last post
 April 22nd
...See more Tw: self harm, mental harm body image I’ve been depressed since I was 13 and at 20 w even more trauma it’s gotten worse, I’ve tried therapist but I feel socially awkward and it’s torture to sit there and talk about my mental state face to face it feels unusual and burdening, I feel even more awkward afterwards, I feel stupid because of my behavior I SH, I want to get better but it’s hard, all I want to do is be in bed, I just spiral and cry most of the time because of how pathetic I feel and how everyone must think of me, how disappointed they must be and that plays apart in my mental Harm I think, and that just makes me suffer all the bad thoughts and sometimes I think of self inflicted pain so I don’t actually do it yet feel it internally, I haven’t really been one to cut but digging my nails has been one way I cope with the internal pain and then it’s a whole cycle of feeling sorry for myself and everyone around me bc of me and wishing I was better, I truly do but I just don’t know how to be, pretending I’m not depressed is getting harder and I look worse which plays into part w self loathing and knowing that no one would look twice. I’ve lost weight from not having a healthy habit of eating and just sleeping, I hate the way I look so tired, just feel alone and buried with feelings I don’t know how to express properly, my depression & ptsd making me suffer. I feel like I’m alive but I’m not living just existing and I don’t know how to escape, I haven’t talked much w my family about it cause they don’t get the mental health stuff, really they just see laziness which makes me hate myself even more with those comments, i wish I was more for them that I could be more useful I try my best but I know it’s not enough I just have so much pain inside it’s hard to be okay on the out..
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Tired of myself
Depression Support / by Juderoad
Last post
 October 30th, 2023
...See more I'm just tired my mind is my constant bully and reminds me daily of how alone I am how I only have my self and my stupid emotions, inside I'm so alone and afraid, I feel like a complete loser and a nobody. I have no friends I haven't had any since middle school and I'm to anxious to go out, my work is from home so I'm already isolated and anytime I do try and be out there I feel talked over and uninteresting/ not listened too so I don't really even bother anymore, I've tried to talk about my interest but no one ever seems to care/listen really and talking is hard so I've just tried to stop over the years I was called annoying for it, it's the complete opposite now, I try not to be in the way of people and try not to bother them. It's hard not having irl friends I feel like I rely to much on family as friends I already feel like a burden and I know what they must think of me, just today I broke down bc my younger sister is always making plans w her friends and inside it hurt me ik it shouldn't but just seeing that connection just makes myself sad for myself, my love life's not great either some traumatic stuff happened on my last one so I don't bother with it rn but I still wish I had someone who would genuinely listen and be actually interested in what I like, to hold and help me, I haven't felt safe in such a long time so it's just hard to even imagine someone actually being there and loving a loser like myself
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Back here
Depression Support / by Juderoad
Last post
 October 21st, 2023
...See more Hi haven't been here in awhile decided to come back just been feeling so alone and in my head just not a good mix, been relying on 🍃 to make me feel somewhat better it just gets to a point we're even that makes me sad, I just crave this safe feeling and it's hard to come by right now my trust has been just kinda shattered this last year for triggering reasons and that adds on more for my depression plus the fact that I haven't been sleeping well it's just hard to when I just keep thinking all night yknow ?
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Anxiety and philophobia
Anxiety Support / by Juderoad
Last post
 February 11th
...See more Hi I have a date coming up but I'm so nervous and scared I've avoided relationships for almost 2 years now [19rn] cause others didn't work out but I think I like this person it's hard to tell I feel bad about myself like what if they don't like me but then I get sort of relief bc if it doesn't work then I guess I'll stay single and the thing is I work alot and I'm worried if that's going to get in the way bc 1 I don't have a car so I have to rely on someone to take me which suck but hopefully soon getting one and 2 it's far away what if they want to go out more and I don't have time or a week to go out cause I'm far from them!! idk I'm just really afraid of messing up and work stuff also I'm embarrassed of where I live so any one coming over or even seeing where I live is terrifying it sucks I just don't know how to feel like I want to go out but I also want to crawl back inside my safe space any advice I'm truly scared of it this happening I don't want to make them sad but Also sorta scared to start things
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