(TW) thought of self-harm / suicide + triggers

Lately, I feel the urge of self-harm whenever I feel frustrated and cornered. It’s no the first time but the last thoughts were 2016, and they resurfaced last year.

The slicing knife becomes more and more tempting each time I feel backed into a corner. I have a handful of friends whom I speak to occasionally. I’m pretty introverted and the type to refrain from conversing with them daily—most of them are probably tired of the same issues getting over and over. I’m still struggling to find the tools that will work for me.

I feel like a failure. I’ve let myself down most especially.

Sometimes, the only reason I refrain from ending it is because I love my parents deeply and wouldn’t want to be the cause of their heartbreak at this point in their lives. I wish that I could live for myself more. It’s just hard to justify a reason that I am worthy of that self-love.

I feel like everything I do is wrong and no matter how deep I shadow-work at figuring out the reasons for my ***-uppery, I’m still the same spiteful person.

7 Cups is one of my last ditch effort of self-love by hoping that a bunch of internet strangers would empathize than the people who are physically around me.