Supporting someone with mental health issues when you have your own

@intelligentSea9085

It is hard enough when we are maskers and I get what you are talking about. When partner has down cycles  and issues it is hard to just focus  on them because their behavior may trigger our own issues. We also have no idea when their down time and ours show up at same day and time. 

You are correct even if you both understand as you both have issues sooner or later at some  point the perfect storm will happen.  I am not sure what answer there is because episodes are so individual.

my person has had a long  depression due to ( self induced)  health issues.... as he got better he now is lifting and expects me to be ready to go and do things that i begged him to do when he was down .....to try to break cycle and lift him out of fog long ago....... like somehow his being  a jerk and not doing things for a year had no effect on me at all....

I feel rage in "  I TOLD YOU SO"  type things he suggests we do now too little too late  ..... what i found is it slowly sucked all the feelings i had for him out of me we are just friends and roommates now .... no love or connection which is now spiraling for both of us as I grew to hate him.... 

@toughTiger6481

We only have so much to give and when we are having issues it is hard to just take care of someone else's needs.   With my BFF we have a sort of rule that only one of us can have a major meltdown at a time.   if you can work something like that maybe it would work 

I kind of feel like this is me and my spouse as well, we've been through so much the past 12 years we've been together which involves depression cheating revenge cheating then working on things but still have that grudge which causes more depression anxiety and hate btwn both of us. We even tried or didn't try, we finished a book called the love dare. We did all challenges but I honestly feel like we need counseling at this point. That's the only thing we haven't tried and that would be my suggestion to u...

@intelligentSea9085

Tell him that giving him a good long hand squeeze is the signal that "my energy is honestly gone today, but I love you with all my heart." Or maybe put your hand on his back or on his heart. Woman's hand on a man's heart calms alot of men. Shows deep solidarity. 

Then don't feel guilty about using it instead of talking with him if you feel your energy is draining. Sometimes being able to detach from the specific conversation topic when they are spiraling downward is good for both of you. They will figure it out, you just show them love, and don't fall into the pit with them, stay strong so they can grab your arms and pull themself out when they are ready. Tell him he should do the same for you when you're in a depression.