Stuck in a loop of life

Hello all, so this is my first story or a thread whatever since I’m In cups for months. So since 2013 I stuck to a certain pattern in a my life where I undergone in to deep darkness and bounced back each time.i was in love with someone in 2013 basically I was stuck to a love triangle ever since I was in deep darkness in my life. Once I tried to end my l.i.f.e I know it’s very wrong to do that I took a break from my college for a year doing nothing sitting at home simply worrying and looping the things I gone through because of my boyfriend(now ex-boyfriend).I gone through so much of stress and so much of sabotage from my family and friends that particular year. Basically my family and friends ditched me. And I somehow bounced back and continued my college after a year but I couldn’t bounce back from the betrayal by my ex-boyfriend. It took me 10years to bounce back. In between I gone through so many setbacks on my studies and career basically I was unemployed and useless for years after my graduation on top of that I had no boyfriend or fiancé too. When I try I too build up a relationship unfortunately it will end up in a week or so. Or if I try to set up a career it will end up there. And I loose many friends on the way. Here is where I felt I stuck in a loop of bad luck in my life. On top that now my marriage life is in the verge of breaking. All my life I believed life would change for good one day but idk. I just muted my words and feelings even my tears. It is what it is after all.