Straining relationships and OCD

Hello

I've been diagnosed with anxiety, OCD, and depression in 2019.

I've taken therapy, (breathing techniques do not work for me)I've taken medicines...nothing really worked. The thing which actually made a difference was boxing. I did it for 4 months.

I was better for a while, but then I couldn't continue because I had to join my college internship.

Now I've finished my internship and I'm at home with my parents.

My parents know about my diagnosis. I know it's not intentional but they keep doing stuff which triggers me. I have had really bad panic attacks because of the things which they do.

What really hurts my feelings is the way they behave after they trigger me. I have contamination OCD, so I am very particular about cleanliness. I've been putting a lot of effort to overcome it and heal. But some triggers are very tough for me to overcome, so I sometimes make some specific requests (like please don't touch this or don't keep this there). I know that it's not possible for them to follow through this perfectly and that they are bound to trigger me. But after they trigger me, I experience anxiety, which is not under my control. Right now I can only try to overcome the anxiety which I feel, and I am trying to do that without the help of a therapist or medication.

What I don't understand is why my parents lash out at me. They get very angry sometimes. Use really hurtful language. Use words like "petty" and "useless" to describe my issues. My dad gets mad at me for saying "I have mental health issues". According to him, I have problems because I send all my energy to these negative thoughts.They say that all I'm doing is wasting time and money. Since I don't have anybody I can talk to regarding this, and since I no longer want to do any compulsions when I've been triggered, I tend to just sit alone and cry. This angers them further and I've never been hit, but my dad has raised his hand to hit me...he controls himself at the last moment...shouts at me and leaves. I have become so depressed, that I've started to constantly think of suicide.

I accept that if there is an issue, I must have also made some mistake or the other, but my parents refuse to accept or even consider the fact they are doing something to hurt me. I feel really emotionally abandoned.

I'm feeling really apprehensive about joining therapy or taking medication again because neither worked out for me before and I tried both options for a long time - experimented with multiple drugs and spoke to lots of therapists as well. Some of the experiences have not been good. I would like to join some training like boxing again but we just moved to a new place and there are no good options.

The whole thing is affecting my mental health very badly.

It's affecting my studies.

It's really putting a strain on the relationship I have with my parents.

I really really need some advice regarding this. Please help