RIGHT PERSON, WRONG TIME x100
Just got my first crush after being socially isolated for a while, single for the first time in years and moved overseas. This person lives in my home country (thousands of miles away from where I moved) and is in a happy, committed relationship. Why do I always do this to myself? I felt it as it was happening but couldn't stop myself. I am lonely and don't have any friends where I currently live so visiting her back home this year was the best time I've had in a while. Feeling like I have a true friend and am not so lonely after all. She's also the first person I've ever shared so many interests with. I am super delusional but self-aware at the same time and it hurts. She is super flirty sometimes and told me she used to have a crush on me when we were younger which only stirs things up even more. I thrive on validation from others and she's been the first to give it to me in years. I tend to obsess and get attached very quickly when I'm in a vulnerable state (which I clearly am in now). I also feel attracted to people I know I can't have, when the chances are very low. I love the fantasy of it all. I become addicted to the little signs, the attention, like a slow burn romance novel. I don't experience this with random people, only when the other person gives me those types of signals (which she did in the past). The only chance I had of getting closer to her is if she were to move where I am, which she planned on doing in order to study at a nice university but the country I'm in isn't accepting international students on government loans anymore. This is so disappointing. Knowing I could've formed a tight friendship with someone, maybe something more than that over time. I tried so many dating apps but people don't understand how it is living with social anxiety, I can't just go on a date or FaceTime someone after exchanging 3-5 messages. I need time in order to open up and gather up the courage to meet up with a stranger. I chose to put that effort into someone I'm even that close to, who lives so far away. I kind of sabotaged myself but didn't even realize it at the time. UGH. THIS IS THE MOST PAINFUL RIGHT PERSON, WRONG TIME MOMENT I'VE EVER EXPERIENCED.
@limegreenCup3519
That does suck. 💔
Try not to have any regrets. Regret is the one of the worst feelings. I believe in everything happens for a reason. You might meet someone even if you don't go out to meet people. You never know. Hopefully, you can get some friends where you are. It takes time. I've experienced social anxiety on a lower level , not saying I know how you feel but I can understand a bit. Maybe one day , you guys will reconnect on a deeper level and get together. It's possible, but don't wait for it. Acknowledge your feelings, you can feel heartbroken and sad but bring yourself back together (this is not me telling you what to do 🤪). Live your life to the fullest , as much as you can .💚 I wish you the best! Maybe try to see what's out there , you could go where there is not very many people, since you are in a different place.
