Overcoming narcissistic traits
After several years of drama and resentment towards my mother, I finally confronted her with my own feelings, only to find out that she only cares about her own feelings and well-being. "You leech on me, you suck on me, when have I done this to you? When have I laughed at you?" As if my feelings are not important at all. That's when I realised that she is a full blown narcissist that my father and I had to endure for so long.
I realised I do have certain instances where I disregard other people's feelings by instinct and I'm very scared of becoming my mother. I know I cannot escape that part what I am now is from my mom but I really want to cut it out of my life. Sometimes after I said something to my friends, I realised that is not appropriate to say it in the given situation and I enter a state of half regret half fear that I said something bad that it affects my relationship with them.
I really do care for the important people around me but I'm really scared that I'm slowly turning into her. I'm still living with her but I mostly isolate myself from her to try and cut her off. (I'm a young adult, in pre-university)
Every time I see her face, I feel sick in the stomach.
It sounds like you're carrying a heavy burden, and I can feel your pain in these words. It’s brave of you to confront these feelings and acknowledge your fears. You're clearly trying to grow and break free from the cycle, which is an important step. Remember, you're not defined by your past, and recognizing these patterns shows you're actively trying to change. It’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you keep working on understanding and growing from them.
