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Jackyboi0516
2 850 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts76 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceMay 7, 2024
Bio

University student, loves basketball, a small brain with a big curiosity for science, psychology and human behaviour.


Awakened by the harsh realities alone at the tender age of 15. Isolated from narcissistic mother recently. Walked down this lonely path ever since.


Seeking for vulnerabilities of others to listen and heal, to hopefully heal the apathetic shell of a once young happy child.



Recent forum posts
Overcoming narcissistic traits
Depression Support / by Jackyboi0516
Last post
 18 hours ago
...See more After several years of drama and resentment towards my mother, I finally confronted her with my own feelings, only to find out that she only cares about her own feelings and well-being. "You leech on me, you suck on me, when have I done this to you? When have I laughed at you?" As if my feelings are not important at all. That's when I realised that she is a full blown narcissist that my father and I had to endure for so long. I realised I do have certain instances where I disregard other people's feelings by instinct and I'm very scared of becoming my mother. I know I cannot escape that part what I am now is from my mom but I really want to cut it out of my life. Sometimes after I said something to my friends, I realised that is not appropriate to say it in the given situation and I enter a state of half regret half fear that I said something bad that it affects my relationship with them. I really do care for the important people around me but I'm really scared that I'm slowly turning into her. I'm still living with her but I mostly isolate myself from her to try and cut her off. (I'm a young adult, in pre-university) Every time I see her face, I feel sick in the stomach.
How to stop being so hard on myself
Depression Support / by Jackyboi0516
Last post
 May 23rd
...See more I always want the best of myself, ever since that incident, that's what I thought. I have to be independent at all cost and don't rely on others. As a student, everything must be the best. Even though my grades are "above average" I'm still not satisfied with myself. Nothing is ever enough. Grades is just one thing, little things in life as well. Small little mistakes that shouldn't be made are unforgivable. I feel like I'm on the verge of insanity (again). I'm completely burnt out now, but I can't stop now and recover. If I stop, there's no way I'm able to catch up with life later on. If I don't stop, I'm definitely going to relapse back into suicidal thoughts again. I don't want to go back into the void that I worked so hard to climb out again. How do I stop?
I hate myself
Depression Support / by Jackyboi0516
Last post
 September 17th
...See more I really hate myself sometimes, I really do. I hate that I overthink a lot of things due to my parents' influence as a child, but I also know we can't choose who will be our parents. Sometimes I really felt like ending it because I hate myself so much. It's even worse because I know too many things. I can read people easily and I know what are they going to say when faced with certain situations. Assuring words and gestures of comfort or even school counseling doesn't work because I know what they are supposed to and are going say. Everything doesn't feel genuine at all. Knowing too much is a curse sometimes. Even as I'm writing this post, I'm thinking about whether my own decision of writing this post. Is it me wanting attention? Is it just my hormones messing with me? Am I too emotional and grow up? Am I just stressed out of something? Am I autistic? Is there any truth to any of this? I hate my brain.
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