Need some help/advice
im almost 25 years old, and I help take care of my elderly grandpa whose sick , I live with him, and I’m the only grandkid out of his grandchildren that does 98% of everything, I’m becoming more and more depressed and drained Which I’ve always had depression , I can’t drive I’ve been trying to get my license for years now but something ends up hindering me , and I get envious of my cousins because they get to go out and live and do what they want , also I’m the least liked grandkid which makes things harder , because knowing my grandfather doesn’t really like me and I’m the only grandkid doing most of everything hurts me so much, because I’ve always gave my grandpa respect and kindness even when he didn’t deserve it, I’m just existing here , and it’s so isolating, when my cousins post on social media that they’re on vacation or doing this or that , I get a little envious , then I feel bad for feeling that way , is it wrong of me for feeling the way I do and wanting to go away for awhile like packing up my things and just leave without saying anything?
@draven99
You are showing incredible love to your Grandpa. But you have to reclaim your own life.
Part of knowing if you were meant to care for someone extensively is the return-of-energy loop. He doesn't sound especially appreciative, you sound taken for granted. If he did his best to be very appreciative and it was a healthy relationship, he would be insisting that you often spend time with people your own age of your own choosing.
I wouldn't just pack up and leave without saying anyting, but I think you can firmly state that you will be going to live your own life starting in 7 days for example, tell your cousins and your Grandpa on the same day, tell them you've been happy to help but that your life has been completely on hold, and now other cousins can show their love by stepping up. Expect them to whine and try to make you feel guilty. Advice from people who don't do anything doesn't mean much.
Any older relative who genuinely loves you will be happy for you as you grow into your own life.... Even if Grandpa takes the first announcement hard, if he loves you he will express joy for your decision within a month or so. If he is bitter towards your or tries to lay on guilt for a long time, well frankly he needs to grow up, and he needs to learn how to think of someone besides himeself. Hopefully that won't be the case. Think about your life now, YOUR future life that will take time to explore and find.
I really appreciate your message it means a lot:) , I’d never truly just up and leave without notice, I just feel like that sometimes due to stress and my depression form alway being here , I need to start living my own life for my own mental sake , I think you are right though I need to have a talk with them and tell them they need to help but respectfully of course, I think I’ll take your advice and do what you said , I appreciate you and your advice so much , I hope you have a great day thank you for being kind:)
I think the conversation with cousins should be brief. You're not there to convince them or negotiate with the, just to inform them that you will be pursuing your own life. Anyone who truly loves you will be happy for you. And if nobody in the old crowd is happy for you, there will be people in your NEW life waiting to meet somebody capable of love and compassion and of thinking about other people not just themself.... All the of characteristics of a friend that people want to meet and keep. So start thinking of the first 2 friends you haven't met yet who are hoping that someone like you exists, start thinking of them too as important people in your life!! Start looking forward to more free time to explore and meet a few new people every week so that you can find the best ones waiting for you! It's an exciting time!!
@draven99
Hi Ven.. (is it okie to call you that?)
It is almost like reading my own story..
It is important to think of you & what you want for you. I think you have done your part, a lot 98%, that's really a lot, I know how it feels
