Loneliness is making me go insane
Well i'm not sure what the point of this will be... since i have posted things like this so many times or told it to so many people and never did anything come from it...
I kinda feel like i wanna tell
it to someone but i don't know who. So why not just write it down for
myself. In the end that's what it comes down to anyway.
I
don't even wanna act like i have the worst life. Objectively i should be
happy but there is just so much missing in my life that i can no longer
see the point of any of it.
Each day i start the day with hope that
something might happen, that if i just do this and that it might just
finally bring some change but it always just stays the same.
Alone in the same room i have always been. Listening to the same music i always do. Talking to the same people that don't understand me at all because they have something in life to give them purpose.
I just
cannot do this much longer. I seriously feel my sanity being drained by
this disgusting loneliness i have to endure each and every single day of
my life.
If i read in the newspaper that someone has been murdered
and they left a grieving family i don't feel pity... i envy that person
for having had a family. That's how 'insane' i have become. I'd trade my
life just to know what love feels like even if it's just for a single
day. I'm desperate and it's impossible for me to hide it anymore.
After +30 years of not receiving the slightest bit of romantic love i do not understand 'normal' peoples problems anymore...
I
cannot keep this act up much longer and there is just nothing that i
can do. I cannot pay anyone to love me. I may be able to pay for a hug
but even that is not available in the sh*thole i live in.
There's just no
escape. I have to fight so hard each day to keep myself busy so i don't
have to constantly think about all of the things wrong with my life but
it's getting harder and harder.
I tried all the self help. Watched
all the videos. Read all the books. What good does it do? What's the
point if i like myself but no one else ever does?
All i want
it just one person i can just cuddle in front of the TV and talk. That's
such a trivial thing that i seemingly just cannot have.
How much
money do i have to pay to have that? How much therapy is needed to get
this single basic human need of affection? How many more years of
constant rejection and loneliness do i have to endure before i finally
get something positive in my life?
I don't want to do any more self
improvement. I don't want to just love myself anymore. I don't want to
search for a trillion hobbies to keep me busy... i want company. I want
affection. I want to be needed by someone.
I don't want to take antidepressants anymore. It doesn't help. Nothing helps against loneliness.
I'm sorry if this sounds like i'm just wallowing in self pity. I'm sorry if the person reading this had it worse... but pain is subjective. I don't wish anything bad on anyone. If i could make it happen we'd all live in a dream world...
but subjectively for me... my life is the worst imaginable thing. i hate it. i hate everything about it.i feel bad for complaining... but that's all i can do. i can only write down these words that will do nothing.
@eternallyworthless I understand how unfair it feels to not have someone to cuddle with. That seems like such a basic need right?
Some rhetorical questions. Are you willing to believe that you may not have tried everything to get what you want? Are you willing to endure more of this life if you had hope of getting what you want?
Maybe search for “art of charm” podcast. Maybe look for the “relationship hero” app.
@hopefulPond6108
@eternallyworthless I understand how unfair it feels to not have someone to cuddle with. That seems like such a basic need right?
Some rhetorical questions. Are you willing to believe that you may not have tried everything to get what you want? Are you willing to endure more of this life if you had hope of getting what you want?
Maybe search for “art of charm” podcast. Maybe look for the “relationship hero” app.
It certainly sounds like such a small thing when you say it like that. It's not just the fact that i don't have anyone to cuddle with it's that no one thinks of me as good enough to give me something so trivial.
There is not really a way for me to try anything humanly possible. I'm still trying and i believe i'm doing what i can with the situation im in and the place i live in.
How much i want to say no to that question. I really really don't want to do this any longer but if i give up on that hope what is the alternative? End it?
That bit of hope is all that keeps me from giving up completely. I can't let it go no matter what but on the other hand it's what hurts me day by day...
I'm not sure what to do.
Thank you! I will check out the podcast and app.
Hi,
Loneliness is terrible, I've was alone for 15 years with no thoughts of it ending and then one moment it changed. It's weird as I had a good close family, son and friends but was never happy. Things can change in an instant always remember that.
And please change your name, you are NOT eternally worthless you are worth a lot and bring more to this world than you realise.
Head up, breathe and think positively.
@Sfh75
May i ask what exactly did change? Like what happened in your live that made you feel less lonely?
I get that a lot with my username. I have a nice short explanation for it in my profile if you want to read it. By all means of the definition i am indeed "worthless". If i'm here or not just doesn't make a single change.
I just met someone like myself and we helped each other.
Just never give up trying! Keep going, think positively and believe it will change.
I know it's difficult, sometimes we all feel like giving up don't we.
The fact you've posted here suggests you haven't given up and want it to change.
Best wishes
