Loneliness aka The Hole of Darkness
Hey, I'm new here. Idk if my other Post sent but I don't think so, so I'm here writing it ALL again. As I said before, this will maybe have some mistakes as my native language is not English.
Im Angelina. Usually, that is my deadname. I'm using that name because I simply don't feel like I'm here anymore. I'm a teen that started daydreaming. It was pretty fun to imagine myself in another world, being popular and having many people care about you. Now I'm not talking about being delulu. I'm talking about straight up "leaving" this reality. I have no idea what other things I did recently than talk to myself, hoping things would change.
Right now I mamaged to stop it, but that was one of the biggest mistakes. My depression was ALWAYS triggered by insecurities about my body or Loneliness. I have not one single friend I can just meet up with. I have a few online friends, meaning I'm not completely alone and isolated from the world.
Instead of wanting to text them this, I'm writing this to Strangersnonna platform I don't even know how to properly use. I tried telling my mom about my struggles which was not too successful. Well, if you made it to here, I thank you for reading this. I was writing this while laying in bed and questioning why I have to exist. Why me? Why can I not give my life away to someone that died in war or something?
I want someone to take me into their arms and tell me it's okay. That it will get better. A comfort person. Something, I'll never have.
-Astro. A person who didn't get a hug in 8 years
@Astro09
There is a time in life where genuine and awesome people like you get the most hugs of all.... That time seems like it is so far away, but please hold on because it is so worth it, and it's real.
I don't know anyone who wishes they could go back and be teenager again. It is the era of 'fake'. Teenager years people value and love people based on what they were born with, like their looks or their parents money, or if they pretend to be fake perfect (but inside they are very insecure). After the teenage years, people start to value and love people based on if they are trustable, if they are not fake, if they try to make the world a little better, if they are unique, if they are appreciative, if they are resilient and try to get 1% better every day, if they have new ideas.
If you want to see lonely, go back to your high school reunion a long time from now, when you are popular and well liked and hugged 10 times daily by awesome people in the not-fake future, and look around for the teenage 'popular' people who don't look so good anymore, if they show up at all. Many of them never learned to be kind or not-fake or have love and creativity in their heart waiting to burst out like you do. They never had to try to become a good person in their teens, they have addictions, they have very few accomplishments or friends. Their life is peaking right now, its like you are watching them at the end of their life when they are 99 years old, their time is almost over. It seems like teenage years last forever but they don't. Your peak will start building in your 20's and rise upward and upward and upward one great friend at a time from there!
Kind hugs, prayers, and many.
