I want to get better

I've never been diagnosed with anything, so I don't claim to have anything. But for years it's been a back-and-forth battle with my mind. I don't know why it happens, the sluggishness, numbness, the zoning out/daydreaming, and the feeling of not being enough. These are constants in my life, I thought I had finally found a rhythm to dealing with it. But recently it's taking over more. I can't focus, I don't ever want to do anything, and my social battery is non-existent. Sometimes I'll think about going to sleep and not waking up, so I don't have to deal with anything. I'm not suicidal, I moved past that, even though it was hard. But everything seems pointless, and I don't know how to stop it. I've tried hard not to be like this, I hate it.