I'm venting

I say these things without ego, shame, regret or doubt. I am an evil man. At my core. Evil is the best word to describe me. So not in the religious sense mind you. I believe monsters are not born they are made. Before I go any farther let me clarify. Im not a discustingly evil man. Im evil in the way that I could charm the devil into moving to the south pole. I can and have grabbed a dufflebag full of clothes. Jumped on a plane from California to Tennessee. Not knowing ANYONE in the state. Met someone at the airport. Took me home. Lived there 3 years. I had never seen a welder in my life but a welding shop was hiring. Went and took a welding test. Guy said best one he seen in weeks. I used a grinder more then a welder after that lol. Could never repeat it. Ive never left a single person better off then before they met me. I moved closer to my kids. One started cutting herself and went to a mental hospital. Was told the behavior only started once I was back in her life. I mean every natural instinct I have is wrong. Every one. I can prove it. I took the listener test thing on here. First question. Active listening. What it said to do is everything annoys me about seeking help lol. So even when I try to help others its harmful. So here I am. I havent left a tiny bedroom except to go to bathroom and kitchen in almost 10 years. By myself. No online presence. Get everything delivered. For this reason and this reason alone. I dont want to negatively impact anyones life. And dont tell me I dont. I am a force. I was making 140k a year. Brand new truck. Beautiful wife. Divorced twice now. Both my fault. I see that. Scary part is im aware how I can be but there are times I don't see it. Terrifies me. When I offend people its usually on purpose but now I'm aware of things I cant see. But instead of getting new ex wives. Climbing up the ranks at work by defeating the competition. Harming my daughters mental health. Escaping any consequences and just carrying on. I quit my job. Went celibate. Stopped talking to literaly everyone. Unfortunately this small reality is hard to escape. Lack of social contact can effect one's mental. So how does one get social contact when one never leaves the house or talks to anyone you may ask. Well. This might give you a chuckle. Have you ever been ghosted by the suicide hotline? I have. Yep so I emailed at random. Respectful emails. Figured, we'll someone could point me in the direction of a place like 7cups. Never heard of it before. I emailed typical routine places. No response. So I got creative. I swear I did this I emailed the church of scientology, a Lutheran church in tennessee, a counselor at my old high school, a couple professors in the mental health field. Still nothing. So again. I sit here.

So here's my ask. Does anyone know of another half crazy hermit who is anti social but has some crazy tales to share? If you do. Im interested.