I'm going to crack up.
I was devastated.
I kept thinking about going to her city to get close to her, that was my promise. However, reality was crushing: first, I couldn't find a job in her city, it was very difficult, I sent out a very large number of resumes, but there was almost no response; second, she also expressed her and her parents' strong desire for her to stay in her city; third, at present, my aunt has helped me find a job in my field, and it seems to be a decent job, and my aunt has also gone to a lot of trouble to help me with these relationships.
Her mother doesn't think highly of us and doesn't want the two of us to get together, especially as she thinks it was a big sacrifice on my part to abandon my parents and come to her. With finding a job so difficult, I find it hard to believe that I can eventually settle in her city.
I don't like my current job – especially not the location, which doesn't bring me any closer to her. She will also doubt whether my commitment is still there. I'm suffering, I'm suffering. And I can't help but wonder, is this job really right for me? Even though it's related to my major, I heard that I need to take a pay cut before I even start?
The current internship has not yet gone through the formal personnel process, so I don't have a salary yet. My aunt's friend said that I need to wait six months. At that time, the unit will have a formal exam. If I pass the exam, they will let me in; if I don't pass the exam, they will make other arrangements. This is obviously not the result I want – I either want to join the company as soon as possible, or get closer to her as soon as possible, but so far it seems that this is a luxury.
I was desperate. I was afraid that the end of our relationship was only a matter of time, and I didn't know what I really wanted professionally.
@Megalodon123
I want someone to help me because I have absolutely no idea what to do.
I'm just endlessly dissatisfied with the life I have, but I have absolutely no idea what I want:
Emotionally, I don't know what I want from this relationship, I just feel so much pain and tearing apart when she's not around – she's a very, very good person and I don't want to hurt her in any way.
Geographically, I don't feel comfortable with my current life in my hometown – mostly because of my emotions, and partly because I feel like I've lost a sense of control over my life at home. But if I don't stay in my hometown, where else can I go? A big city? Can I afford the expenses of a big city? So go to her city? Can I really get a foothold there with the high cost of living? I can't even find a job there, so how can I have the courage to say that I can go somewhere to develop?
And then there's the career. It's true that the planning industry is declining. Everyone who has worked in a planning institute says that this is not an industry to enter – including some of my colleagues from prestigious schools. Some news reports mention that some company directors have dismissed employees in order to avoid paying them, taken them to prostitutes and then reported them. But if I leave this industry, where can I go? If I can't find a job in her city, can I find one anywhere else?
My current job. Obviously I don't want to stay here for long, it's different from what I thought in many ways, but I find it hard to turn down the job because of the people involved (although, as I said, it's not yet definite). In the eyes of many people, it's at least a decent job. In particular, my aunt has been very helpful, buying expensive gifts for the company leaders and inviting them to dinner. Of course, there are also many people in my family who want me to stay in my hometown.
I want to escape, escape from it all.
@Megalodon123
I tried counselling, which was very helpful. The counsellor helped me to clarify my innermost desires and she helped me to analyse the situation – since going to the capital was my decision to take responsibility for the relationship and my search for a sense of freedom, this path was necessary.
That was good. I knew what I wanted.
However, counselling is very expensive, and I can barely afford the next session. I don't think I could find anyone else who could listen to me as attentively as the counsellor and help me find the key to the problem. My family and friends only comment on my decisions as to whether they are ‘good for me’ or ‘bad for me’.
And even if I know which way to go, I'm still confused: firstly, since I've already decided to leave this internship, conflict with my family is inevitable, but I don't know what to do; secondly, I still haven't been able to find a job in the capital, and I'm wondering if a paid internship is a viable option; thirdly, I don't know what my career aspirations are. I just know that I don't want to go down any of the most common career paths for my degree. I have some ideas about changing careers, but obviously employers prefer employees with relevant experience. Fourth, I haven't been able to find a good job for most of the past year, so I don't have high hopes of finding one.
I'm sad. I'm frustrated. There's nowhere I can go to escape it all.