I hate myself.

tw: mentions of suicide, suicidal ideation

I literally hate myself. I make everyone so *** upset. Today, I went to go call my therapist at school and my counselor said no because it was against school policy and then she asked why I wanted to call her and so I said "because I'm feeling rly suicidal and I want to talk to her not that its any of your business" and so she called my stepmom and had her pick me up and sent me home, and tole her that I wasn't their problem anymore, and that they needed to deal with me.

My stepmom was really upset with me, because we are trying to stay out of inpatient facilities but I don't think that it will work. I'm constantly suicidal, and when one thing pushes me over the edge, I get so upset and escalated, and I lash out, I don't remember what goes on half of the time, and its scary.

I'm so stressed. I'm scared my therapist will send me inpatient. I don't want that, seriously.