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maxisthebest
7 14,116 M Pacing Forward 10
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PathStep 32 Compassion hearts681 Forum posts45 Forum upvotes91 Current upvotes91 Age GroupTeen Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 6, 2024
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hi I'm max 😛


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Recent forum posts
bro.
Depression Support / by maxisthebest
Last post
 5 hours ago
...See more why do i have to be this way. why am i a screw up. why am i a dissapointment. why am i worthless. why am i even alive. @pixierobin @iloveyouxx
another "little" rant of mine
Depression Support / by maxisthebest
Last post
 Wednesday
...See more I wish wish wish WISH somebody understood how I feel. My stepmom is bipolar (im pretty sure), my dad gets angry super fast, nothing i do seems good enough for them. I just came back from a mental health hospital (was there for 3 1/2 months) and today was my first day of HIGH SCHOOL. My great grandmother is dying of bone cancer, and my mom has a tumor in her breast and she doesnt get her biposy to see if its cancerous until 2 days after my birthday. My parents are letting me shave again, and i always want to self harm, but im trying to prove to them ive changed, even though inside i truly havent.  UGH.
little rant of mine
Journals & Diaries / by maxisthebest
Last post
 Wednesday
...See more Tw:// suicide, miscarriage, sh, sex offenders, sexual harassment, physical altercations, autism (could be triggering, not sure), vapes, rape, (All of these names are fake, not real names) I just want to cry, genuinely. I hate everything rn. there's this girl named "Autumn" at my school, and she told everyone a bunch of lies about me. I hate her. We WERE friends, but she stabbed me in the back. Literally.  Disclaimer: My sister has autism, keep this in mind for the next situation you are about to read. Then, on top of that, my mom was dating a sex offender, named "Joesph". She broke up with him because my family found out. Keep in mind, we are in the middle of a court case right now, and the court has been notified, and my judge is extremely upset with my mother. She had brought her boyfriend around me and my younger sister who is turning 12 on Feb. 29th. He has cuddle my sister, made him sit on his lap, and has touched me inappropriately. When I walked into him cuddling my sister, I lost it. I had my phone in my right hand, my vape in my left hand, and my pocket knife in my pocket. I threw my vape at him, and got my sister away from him.He left me and my sister alone after that. My mom said it was no big deal when my family found out about it. Keep in mind, this has happened before. So, the other night, I asked her why she did it. Why she put me and my sister in danger, and why she said it was no big deal, when its clearly a big deal. She ignored me, and lied by saying "My lawyer told me not to tell you because it's an adult situation", but I was involved in this situation, so I don't understand why I can't know. I personally think its BS. Then, on top of THAT, she canceled our visit. So, I canceled our visit after the one she canceled on me, and I canceled the next one (Monday).  And I want help, I do. I just truly want it at HOME. I don't want to go inpatient, I wasn't to get better at home. Just my rant, I guess.  @CatHanderOutNoah @free2118 @pixierobin @iloveyouxx some tags ^  anybody can respond.
I hate myself.
Depression Support / by maxisthebest
Last post
 February 9th
...See more tw: mentions of suicide, suicidal ideation I literally hate myself. I make everyone so *** upset. Today, I went to go call my therapist at school and my counselor said no because it was against school policy and then she asked why I wanted to call her and so I said "because I'm feeling rly suicidal and I want to talk to her not that its any of your business" and so she called my stepmom and had her pick me up and sent me home, and tole her that I wasn't their problem anymore, and that they needed to deal with me. My stepmom was really upset with me, because we are trying to stay out of inpatient facilities but I don't think that it will work. I'm constantly suicidal, and when one thing pushes me over the edge, I get so upset and escalated, and I lash out, I don't remember what goes on half of the time, and its scary. I'm so stressed. I'm scared my therapist will send me inpatient. I don't want that, seriously.
so tired.
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by maxisthebest
Last post
 February 27th
...See more Im so tired of smoking weed. I'm so tired of my nose burning because I'm snorting coke, I'm tired of having scars because I'm injecting heroin, but I cant stop. Whenever I'm not sober, things always turn out for the worst. The bare minimum I have to have is nicotine. I always have some sort of drug on me. Im 15, and 16 weeks pregnant. If I don't stop soon, this baby will die. But I don't know how to stop. I hate it, so much. I just want the baby to be born and be okay. I'm js so tired of this. @pixierobin @iloveyouxx @free2118 sorry for tags- love you all. anyone is welcome to reply
literally hate myself atp.
Journals & Diaries / by maxisthebest
Last post
 January 24th
...See more TW:// Breakups, pregnancy, mental hospitals, vomiting (for those that have emetophobia, I have it as well) Im so done. With everything. With breakups, with being pregnant, with my mental health, with school, with grades, with family, with everything. My friends have always told me to never throw my hands up and just quit. But that's what I'm doing. I can't take it anymore. I just want someone to genuinely care about me. Maybe two hours ago, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. Said I was going to be a horrible mother, and that I am a piece of ***. All I did was care for him. When he got hurt I bandaged him, when he had his surgery, I cried in class because I was so scared that he was not going to live. When I had my first choir concert of this year, and he showed up to my choir concert, I was so happy that my legs were shaking. I had to run to the bathroom because I started crying, I was so happy. All I did was love him. All I did was try to give him the world. I really did care about him. I don't know what I did wrong. If I could change it, I would.  I've been crying, shaking, rocking, and vomiting for the last 2 hours because of this.  I don't know what to do. My parents are sending me to a mental hospital for a minimum of 9 months. Im going to have my baby in there. I hope they will let me keep him/her. There is one hospital in my state that allows you to keep your child if they are born at the hospital you are in, and I'm begging and praying I'm going to that one. I hate not knowing. I really just want to quit, throw my hands up and be done. My baby isn't going to have a father figure because of this. I don't want that for my child. I want my child to have a loving mother figure, and a loving father figure, even if the mother figure isn't me, I want the best for my baby. Maybe I'm js overreacting. Love you all. @iloveyouxx @pixierobin @free2118 @steph8402 (sorry for tags)
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