I had to tell my mom I have intrusive thoughts
I went to the doctor today so I could maybe start therapy again. the doctor asked me a few questions and for the first time I was honest. I told them I felt like offing myself almost regularly. they wanted to put me in an institution but I declined. they started me on Prozac and told me if it gets worse I need to be put into a hospital because of my answers. when I got home I gave my mother the paper they sent with the medicine so that she could read over it as well. she asked me if I did feel like that and this time I was honest with her. I told her why and I told her that I'm trying my best. she broke down, she felt bad because she knows that her and my father are the root cause to my depression/ptsd. I felt bad, all I could do was sit there and listen to her cry and beg me to stay and not do it. that there was so much to live for. I honestly don't know if this helped me or just made me want to do it more. I can't stand watching her cry because the rage inside me left from my childhood feels satisfied to see her finally in the position they made me stay in my entire life. but it's my mom and I can't stand myself for telling her the truth of how I've really felt. if this medicine don't work I don't think I'll be making any more updates, I hope you all find happiness and get what you've always deserved in this life and nothing less.
@Theperfectmask
glad you were honest. I highly encourage you to seek help. I really hope the medicine works for you! you are so strong and brave.
I have seeked help, I've been to multiple therapists, tried different types of therapy. nothing works, my last shot is the antidepressants mixed with therapy if it don't work I honestly don't think there is any of me coming back from what happened. one thing I've been taught is you can try your best, you can do something perfectly, you can be an amazing person. but things happen and we can't control them no matter how much we try, as long as there is free will there will always be chaos. I learned that before I could read
The day that you have such a powerful conversation with your mom like that is bound to be a whole flood of emotions. You are allowed to feel each one of them - anger, guilt, frustration, relief.
Give yourself time to process it all. Have you considered some talk therapy to help you process as well?@Theperfectmask
yes that actually what I've decided to try next was talk therapy, I feel like I've learned all the good coping mechanisms from a few others but they just don't work for me any longer. thank you @bestVase7265
@Theperfectmask Please keep the Crisis Policy in mind., it sounds like you have sources of support, there are also resources in the policy if needed.
You are very welcome to be here when not experiencing crisis.
I hope the support you are seeking meets your needs ❤️
@AffyAvo thank you for bringing that to my attention, I haven't been on here very long. but I do not believe that I am experiencing a crisis, I just needed to vent and get it out. if I was in a crisis though and needed someone to talk to I wouldn't be on an app on the internet. i would be talking to a close friend or someone that I trust with my life. thank you for the concerns though.