Husband
Anyone else just want your husband to just work all the time so they are not home? If he's home he's mostly scrolling his phone watching videos. We do not agree on how to handle the kids. We don't do anything together. We just exist in the same room.
@skyraven02
Yes i feel it too..... you are not alone.
I have been the lonely in the room next to my spouse. I doubt mine can change but you may still have a chance. Have you told him how you feel? Have you asked why he wants to be lost in scrolling? maybe he is going through something too ... mine loses himself is some sort of game rather then dealing with things or speaking up.
Some day down the road your kids will be grown and you do not want to sit in a house alone with your spouse sitting in same room. if this cannot be addressed i would strongly suggest you find outlets for yourself and if i knew what was going to happen i would have prepared myself financially and otherwise to live on my own. It is a miserable way to live, wishing they were elsewhere because you just exist in same room.
I have tried talking to him. I've also email, and text him about things. Don't really have any outlets ibolay video games when i can.
@skyraven02
Sounds so familiar i also text / email handwritten letters. the "talk" is a lot of pretending he is listening or will change yet NOPE no change.
what do you want? do you still want it to work? then you need to set boundaries and deadlines that are not negotiable. sometimes we have to show this is not a small thing but a deal breaker type thing.
This is a very tough situation to be in. It sounds like there is very little that connects the two of you. There are different ways people "attach" to others, and one of the ways is called "avoidant attachment." As you can guess, it is an unhealthy and insecure attachment style and needs work to be resolved. Many times, this attachment style comes from the person's childhood and continues into adulthood. In relationships, this issue becomes part of the relationship pattern, in which you become the "pursuer" and he the "withdrawer." After all is said and done, I would suggest that a couple like this needs EFT—Emotionally Focused Therapy, developed by the late Suesan Johnson. You can find Sue's work in her books.
Feel free to follow up with additional information so I can fine-tune my response (in you're interested...)
I don’t think you’d be interested in counseling or therapy because we have one of our kids in counseling right now and he just blows it off and thinks kids just being lazy. my son specifically asked that if I can’t go with him to his counseling appointments, he wants to do online appointments because he doesn’t want his dad going with him.
@skyraven02
Yes, this is a common thing happening in such situations. While you may be ready to go for help, the "withdrawer" is not ready at all.
Meanwhile, the idea of going for help becomes yet another topic in which you slip into your role as the pursuer and him the withdrawer.
In such cases, it may be helpful for you to see your own therapist and think about how you can prompt him to become more interested in this relationship.
I know it can be a slippery slope, and an unqualified therapist will lose their objectivity and may encourage you to use threats, ultimatums, etc. Therefore, a good therapist is of utmost importance.
Please let me know if there is something I missed and, therefore, have not responded in the right way.
P.S. I don't purport to be an expert. I am simply talking from the knowledge I picked up as a licensed mental health professional.
I can’t go to therapy because I’m having to give up my health insurance I just got.