How I feel with u all people (storytime)

ALL THE WHY:

I don’t want us to be just get through the day it’s okay, that kind of soothing becomes useless once u reach point this is for years n years w no end yk?

I was just saying to myself scenario where if somebody asked me n I was like, oh all I did was to taking it one day at a time all my life, it would be an absolute no…

Like that’s all u did. Surviving without living. More precisely: are u living or just existing? 

(guess where I am all this time)

Getting my point across.

SECOND THING:

Sucks when nobody tells u cuz u don’t have enough care n guidance in life nor u ever received it so my life is abt trial n errors on myself. Hurts so much.

It’s about those who are positive n normally bubbly enough that u just give so much texts or gifts, doesn’t matter but it might be linked to something bigger as tho why you rly do it?

I was never thinking of it this way.

So it costed me being drained, anxious, isolated n now under self-pity.

I have hole inside of me that feels more uncared n unloved than ever before.

So I feel w u that’s why I’m saying when I fight this every day…. Can’t escape this.

But from my point I can say that it’s better to get busy, distracted w studies or any other learning (cuz let’s be honest, hobbies are not always enough) n not to think abt how hard it is to live w this pain cuz it gets impossible more I look towards this… for REAL. 

Only give what they’ll receive n if they leave it up to u, u have the right to remove urself from such situation.

(What else,) 

Keep ur guard up at all times if you can’t figure ppl right away. They can mask for pretty long under “total genuine persona”… that’s where my mistakes n cycle began to happen n bargain for way too LONG.

If u feel defeated, discouraged n constantly going w hole in yourself n ur life then know that I’m on the same every day. It still comes when I’m tired n down or low…. U get this lonely n it simply overwhelms u again. It’s trying to drag me down cuz u know that comfort n care is never coming back from ur early life n now even to ppl u poured way too much just to ending up with nothing in return afterall…

Unfortunate is that ppl who are optimistic n learn it themselves (like this positivity I had to practice as well!) others are utterly selfish for not learning it themselves even if they don’t have this character, u can still change some way of thinking or actions or similar for ur inner child or urself if u see that others can do it even if more effort is needed to be pushed through. But nope. All they did was feeding off someone else. Utmost disgusting n disrespectful. Those ppl aren’t good. Don’t be or get blinded like me. 

Worst mistake is thinking that just cuz they aren’t “bad” they are ultimately “good”. No, they’re not. If u can’t see patterns, try to see signs. Emotions go aside, whatever the emotional attachment or general kindness is that u have been taught. Think w ur head ONLY.

I had to ask for expert n help. 

I actually came from hopeline where they gave me the abandonment stuff article to put pieces together of what it really is.

Out of my own curiosity I went to ask (it was luck in suggestion) cuz I wanted to understand why ppl ghost. Always stay curious. But if u see that u keep convo going, always asking questions, knowing more abt them or they leaving stuff up to you or similar, it’s time to step back or better: DO LEAVE! 

They all gonna become distant n ghost u anyway. (I continued to still messaging some of them afterwards cuz I wanted to let them always know I’m thinking of them n similar for such ppl but that’s the utmost waste of everything u got, not just time.)

Ppl are not as kind as they seem n world is much more cruel.