Have you ever...?
Hello. I have never posted here, so here it goes. I have no self-esteem. It started with my family and continues with my spouse. Everything is my fault. Failed job searches, negative reviews. I've lost faith in my abilities. I feel guilty for causing pain to my children through my life choices. I have no one to talk to about this. I don't want to bother my close friends because they have their own problems. I know that other people have worse problems and that makes me hate myself more for complaining. I keep things bottled inside and I shut down when confronted. I just let others blame me and tell me I'm useless. Every day I just take up space. I came to 7 Cups to find others like me and maybe find some hope.
@NotAllHere713
You are not alone it can be easy to buy into when family and then your spouse ...who should be your biggest fan and support treats you like you are at fault.... you are not a bad choice in the past.
We all make mistakes and sometimes poor choices but making better choices and then good ones can turn it all around... if your close group is not your cheerleader or fan then you will need to step up and be your own support and fan. i know you can do it because I have been in similar shoes .... the most progress and good things happened once i decided to tune out those who did not have my back.
@toughTiger6481
Thank you for your words of encouragement. How did you learn to become your own support? I feel like I am suffocating under the weight of the expectations of some and all the negativity from others. It's difficult to tune out those you're in contact every day.
@NotAllHere713
I too still interact with those on a regular basis but i set goals and made steps towards progress the KEY in my case was not let others in on my plan/ goals.
I just smiled and played along when they wanted to " advise" me .... but tuned it out like i was speaking to a toddler.... i am sure whatever they babble they think it is important but made no sense to me
i made gains regardless of their opinion.
@NotAllHere713 Might I suggest you throw away the measuring sticks - yours and everyone else’s, especially everyone else’s! You have failed at nothing. Being human is a rough job. Literally every person does the best they can at that moment they act or don’t act. Every human feels the pain of consequence of their actions or those around them. That is life - period - full stop. Here is where people get even more suffering than they already have - they have a story about it. A story they made up or the neighbor made up, or some stuffy moralistic *** that died 100 years ago and who spun up a story that society thinks is a good measuring stick. It’s all fricken arbitrary. Start paying attention to you as a well meaning being who is doing the best they can. THEN you might have something in reserve to give to those around you. That is self love. Not selfish love. Breathe! Pause. You’ll get caught up in the story and revert to the measuring sticks. Notice how much that hurts. Notice how it does you no good. And those who judge you will also have less power over your emotions. That is my advice my friend. You are alive - that IS a gift. One you didn’t ask for, and one you only get for a short time. But it is a gift. Seriously give yourself a hug and tell yourself you belong on this earth - because, I submit your presence proves it!
@PineTreeTree
First I'd like to say that reading your response has made my eye tear. Believe me, I don't do that often. I have been accused of having no emotion because I never learned how to share them openly. In a way, I understand what you are trying to say, I've heard different versions of the same. I know what I need to and what I should do, but I don't know how to do it or even where to start. It's also hard to throw away the yardstick when you live with someone. I stayed because I believed that would be the best decision for my family. I painted on a rock "I am enough". I look at it every day, but I can't bring myself to accept it. I sincerely thank you for your response- you've managed to say in words what I wish I could convey in action. And, what I wished the world was really like.
@NotAllHere713 What helped me was insight meditation. Not strictly the sitting down to meditate, but also the concepts around that style of meditation. Another style of meditation is called meta. Through building awareness you can more often than not stop yourself from picking up the measuring stick. No one taught me to be aware of these things. No one taught me how to love myself and others. Meta is a really good way to learn how. And if someone would have described it to me I would have thought it hokey, stupid and weak. Anyway, I don’t know if that path will work for you, but I hope you find what works for you. You’re worth it, and since you’re going to be spending the rest of your life with you, it’s soooo worth it.
