Grief journey

The guy I was dating died almost 2 years ago an my daughters dad died 7 years ago an I just still wonder what did o do to have to feel this pain twice a pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy I’ve literally been sitting in my grief for two years 7 years ago I didn’t get to grieve like I needed this time I got to feel it completely I can’t see myself ever dating again I want to not feel this pain anymore I want to be ok I want to go out an breath again my kids need me to be ok I just want to be ok.