Feeling lonely
A few years ago I was talking to a teacher about my depression, and he said something like "I had a girlfriend with chronic depression, I had to break up because it gets really complicated expecially when it's chronic", he was just trying to let me know he knows what depression looks like, but that really stuck with me. I've been single for years now and I've been looking for a relationship this entire time, and nothing. Most of my friends left as well, I don't really know why, they just did. I just feel like maybe I'm too much... I try my best not to let my problems out on others, and I talk about some stuff cause that's what friends are for and I also listen to allmy friends no matter what, but there's stuff I try to not eventalk about because I know it's a lot for someone to handle and they really don't have to. I really really do try, but maybe I'm still to much? I just feel like a liability... People tend like me a lot when they meet me and then for some reason most end up leaving... I had this guy friend that was my best friend for over two years. Things got messy cause there were feelings involved but we were still friends and now he won't talk to me at all.. I just wanted to have an open conversation about everything but he literally will not talk to me. That's the case that upset me the most as we were really close for so long and now it just kinda of ended, but it's really not the only....
I just feel really lonely and unlikeable...
@diplomaticSail1449
I understand you so well. Can relate too much. Feel like others are forced to be friends w me and dont acc fw me. Then you be thining you found a real one and they end up leavin like everyone else. Everyone be temporary. But please dont feel like you cant talk about how you feel, those who care will always want to hear what you have to say and how you truly feel. Even if it feels like there's no one around for you like that, you can always ttm and ill be hear to listen with no judgement. I really hope you do get better and talk about your feelings comfortably. Thanks for sharing.
@diplomaticSail1449 hi you, I'm lola ❤ it's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot of people on here who struggle to keep long term friends, for no other reason than that's the way the world seems to be going. So I don't think your the problem, I just think friendship isn't what it used to be like. Your depression is a illness that you can not help, and having someone to talk to, to open up too, is a need for everyone, that's where cups steps in, we are all here for you sweetie. Friends come and go so just enjoy the moments you have with them ❤❤gives you a giant festive tiny hug ❤squeezes you tightly ❤❤
@diplomaticSail1449 I am very sorry that you're feeling this way. I don't know if this will help at all, but I just want to tell you that you're not alone. I can relate a lot to what you're going through - I feel like I have no friends right now. And the guy thing, I am encountering the same problem. It's really hard to find trustworthy people to share how you're feeling. I get it. If you want to talk about anything, I'm here! Sometimes it helps to just get things off your chest.
Sometimes I feel the same and sometimes I feel what your friends feel. I can be too much at times and I can be, em, ruthless some other times. What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be too much and it's ok to not listen to your friends. They are both normal. We are humans. We have limited capacity. We can only take in so much no matter what. And it's unrealistic and a toll to expect yourself and other people to be supportive and listening every time. I felt the same feeling of being abandoned from time to time. But I try to tell myself that my friends are absolutely doing what is normal and right sometimes. Because I would do the same if I myself didn't feel emotionally available, too busy, too involved in other things, too depressed or just not in the right mindset at the moment.
This realization made me appreciate my parents and a few people who most times made themselves available for me much more. And rethink the type of friend I want to become and the people I really want to associate myself emotionally with. I learnt that some friends are for work, some friends are for fun, some friends are there to physically support you but don't want to get involved with your feelings, and some rare friends would go all the way. It's not your fault that some of the friends left. They might just be the wrong type of friends you need at the moment. And you are definitely likeable. You (we) all have to tread carefully on the friend ship path and stop at the right boundary.
Sorry for the rambling. I absolutely relate to you and support you. Don't be too hard on yourself.
