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diplomaticSail1449
2,184 M Hopeful Heart 3
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts108 Forum posts23 Forum upvotes34 Current upvotes34 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2024 Member sinceJuly 10, 2020
Recent forum posts
Feeling lonely
Depression Support / by diplomaticSail1449
Last post
 November 30th, 2023
...See more A few years ago I was talking to a teacher about my depression, and he said something like "I had a girlfriend with chronic depression, I had to break up because it gets really complicated expecially when it's chronic", he was just trying to let me know he knows what depression looks like, but that really stuck with me. I've been single for years now and I've been looking for a relationship this entire time, and nothing. Most of my friends left as well, I don't really know why, they just did. I just feel like maybe I'm too much... I try my best not to let my problems out on others, and I talk about some stuff cause that's what friends are for and I also listen to allmy friends no matter what, but there's stuff I try to not eventalk about because I know it's a lot for someone to handle and they really don't have to. I really really do try, but maybe I'm still to much? I just feel like a liability... People tend like me a lot when they meet me and then for some reason most end up leaving... I had this guy friend that was my best friend for over two years. Things got messy cause there were feelings involved but we were still friends and now he won't talk to me at all.. I just wanted to have an open conversation about everything but he literally will not talk to me. That's the case that upset me the most as we were really close for so long and now it just kinda of ended, but it's really not the only.... I just feel really lonely and unlikeable...
How long until no contact starts to work?
Relationship Stress / by diplomaticSail1449
Last post
 November 18th, 2023
...See more I've been no contact with my crush for 6 months and I just miss him more and more each day and I don't know what to do... He never had a relationship but we were very close friends for over two years. He didn't always treat me right that's why we're no contact now but I really miss him and Idk what to do.
Can't find a job
Work & Career / by diplomaticSail1449
Last post
 October 10th, 2023
...See more I don't know if this is the right place to post this, I hope it's ok. I'm currently in my last year of university and since I'm finishing up I only have 2 classes per week, which means I've got a lot of free time. I'm in student accommodation which I hate so I'm looking for a job to BA able to afford a house or a room somewhere else. The thing is, I can't get a job... I've been looking for awhile, I apply for everything I find, and still nothing. Most places don't accept me because I don't have any experience but I'm not going to get any experience if no one takes me, also I've been applying only for jobs like cashier, waitress, stuff like that, where it does not specify it needs experience in the job description, but they still won't take me based on that. Today I had an interview with the one place that seemed to be considering giving me a job, it was a pizzaria, but I can't work there because of my nails.. I'm a professional classic guitar player so I need my nails a certain way, I really cannot change that. I understand why I can't work there it just sucks because it was the only place that seem possible for me. To be honest I'm starting to feel kinda useless.. like I'm not good for any job. I know I'm probably being unreasonable, but I've never looked for a job before so I just don't know if this is normal. Anyone has any tips?
Depression
Depression Support / by diplomaticSail1449
Last post
 October 4th, 2023
...See more I don't even know what to say, but I feel like I need to or I'll explode. My depression is getting worse by the day and I there's nothing I can do. I'm out of money for therapy, and I probably won't be able to afford for a couple of months, so I really don't know what to do. I feel such a heaviness in my chest, it's almost hard to breath. I have nothing to fill my days, I'm looking for a job but I can't get one. It feels like my life is so empty and I'm just tired. I miss my old crush so much as well. Things went south with us and it's no contact now but he was such a big part of my life. And I miss my friends back home. And there's just so much going on in my mind. I really don't know what to do.
My father's dead
Grief & Loss / by diplomaticSail1449
Last post
 August 21st, 2023
...See more My father was never present in my life, he used to come around sometimes when I was a kid but slowly stopped to do so. I was a kid. I loved my dad, as I feel every kid does, and it hurt me so much that he stopped showing up. As a kid that registered in my mind as "my dad doesn't like me anymore" and it left so much trauma. All I wanted has a kid and growing up was a family. I wanted a father so bad. I wanted a happy family. I honestly can't even describe how much I just wanted a father. And I kept waiting for him to come back. Has I grew up I started to realise how bad of a father he actually was, and since he had pretty much cut contact himself I didn't really reach out anymore either. I accepted that I didn't have a father, even if that hurt to no end. Well around a year ago he was diagnosed with cancer. I found out through my grandmother, he didn't say a single word. Not long ago I got a text from a cousin saying he had gotten worse and they didn't think he would make it. It hurt so much that even in his deathbed he didn't care to reach out to me. Deep down I always hoped that one day he would apologize and tell me he loved me, it wouldn't erase anything and I don't even know if I'd ever forgive him but I still wanted that, to know that regardless of everything my father did love me. I figured he was too stubborn to admit he didn't treat me right, but that in his deathbed, with nothing left to lose, he would call for me and at least say goodbye. He died this Tuesday, the funeral was today. I went to the funeral. I barely knew that man, but first, I needed something to prove to me he really was dead, it made no sense that he was just gone, without a single word. Secondly there was a part of me, that unhealed child inside of me, that still very much loved him and wanted to go say goodbye, but mostly I went to say goodbye to possibility of ever having a dad, all hope was gone now, we would never make amends, I will never have a dad. My grandmother has been really really mad at me and my brother for not visiting him this whole time, so much so she told all my family they could not tell us he died because we didn't deserve to know. A cousin of my thought that was unfair and that's why I found out and got to go the funeral. When I got there I immediately started crying so much, my grandmother came to hug me and made this big deal about me coming, and eventually we got to talking. She said she was mad at me and thought she'd never even look at me again but when she saw me walk in and crying she couldn't stay mad. Eventually she told me my father asked for me the entire time, ever since he got sick.. turns out just 3 days before he died he begged her to take "his little girl" to him, and she told him that was not possible because I didn't want to go. I wanted to go but it only made sense to me to go if he wanted me there, I was waiting and hoping he'd ask for me and I was never told he was asking for me. Has it turns out the last conversation my grandmother had with my brother was ugly and so she thought I was of the same opinion and so she was mad at the both of us and never thought to tell me anything. I don't even know what she talked to my brother about. I was caught between a mess I wasn't even aware existed. And because of that I did not get to hear what my father had to say to me and I did not get to say goodbye to my own father. I don't know if it would have changed anything but I would have gotten some closure, and maybe, just maybe, I would hear my father tell me he loved me once in my life time. I barely knew that man. Honestly I will not miss him as a person because I feel like it's impossible to miss someone you don't know, and someone that hurt you so deeply like my father hurt me. But I am greiving the lost of a possibility of ever having a dad. And I am so deeply hurt that I was never told he wanted to see me. I didn't get to hear what he to say, I didn't get to say goodbye. I don't even know what to do with this pain. I'm so hurt.
Finally feeling ok
Depression Support / by diplomaticSail1449
Last post
 February 8th, 2023
...See more Hi! So.. I'm actually happy! For context, I've been diagnosed with chronic depression. I've been depressed I feel like my whole life, I'm 22 now. I've had highs and lows but the "highs" never lasted long, a few days or maybe a few weeks. The lows though have been really bad and long, and tbh I don't even know how I survived, and I always felt like it would never get better. Well, I just came to the conclusion that I'm ok, and I've been ok for a few months now. I feel like I need to brace myself to the probable possibility that it will eventually go bad again, I mean I do have chronic depression, but for now I really just want to enjoy myself and so I wanted to share. I've worked really really hard to get here in therapy and so I'm actually proud of myself. I'm just.. I'm ok.. and that feels really surreal to me.
How do I get over a crush? Serious question
Relationship Stress / by diplomaticSail1449
Last post
 January 6th, 2023
...See more There's this guy I like, I like him a lot. I honestly have never felt like this before. I feel like we fit perfectly together, and I like pretty much everything about him, I honestly think I'm in love. We're really close friends and we spend a lot of time together. I feel like he's attracted to me as well, but he doesn't seem to be in the place for a relationship right now, or maybe I'm just wrong and he doesn't like me, has nothing ever happens between us even though there's tension there, and I know it's not just me imagining it cause everyone keeps asking me about it. The thing is, I've liked him for almost two years. I'm honestly tired... I've tried everything. I tried talking to him but when the moment comes I can never bring myself to do so. I've tried distancing myself, but eventually we seem to always find our back and I don't even notice, also we're really good friends and I don't want to lose that. There's part of me that's scared of letting go and getting together with someone else because what if he does like me and I miss my chance? I really do like him and if there's any chance I don't want to miss it, but I can't just ask him, believe me I've tried to, but I'm so tired of waiting for him, knowing that it probably won't ever happen.. I really don't know what to do, please help
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