Everyone is so hypocritical
You know what really pisses me off? I’m such a passive person. I let people say and do whatever they want to me because I don’t want to deal with conflict. I’m so passive and just let things go. Well recently I discovered how angry and depressed I’m feeling because of it. All I do get mad and freak out on people or just cry alone in my bedroom constantly. so because of that, I’ve started to try and stand up for myself when things bother me and you know what? People are getting mad at me! And these aren’t just strangers, this is my family. When I stand up for myself, they get mad at me and call me ***. But if it was the other way around (which it is usually) I don’t get mad at them. So everyone else can stand up for themselves but I can’t? I’m just supposed to stay passive and weak because that’s what YOUR used to? Because it’s unexpected and new of me to actually voice my opinion? It’s ***!!!
@drzombienoodles Standing up for yourself is good. How you stand up for yourself can make others feel defensive. Try to be assertive while not nicking someone else’s fragile ego. And yeah, it seems like they should be able to take what they dish out, so you shouldn’t have to be the diplomat but remember soldiers only options are to squabbles with soldiers from the other side. Diplomats say their piece and go home safe.
@drzombienoodles
Hello again. It is sad to hear about the strong and extreme emotions you must be going through about such situations.
I know some of these things: I was raised by parents who were very young, my boundaries were often broken, and I was not allowed to show weakness or anger, just for example.
First, I think it is about boundaries. I believe every person has his or her "emotional territory". I believe being emotionally abused and constantly belittled can make a person not reacting when the borders are crossed (and giving no warning before) but firing all his or her guns to the "invader" when the incursion went too deep. The problem is neither letting people disrespect our boundaries, nor being angry and shouting at them, is making them respect us. What it really takes is learning how to become an assertive person.
Second, I think it is about keeping things in balance. I mean to react on the continuum instead of allowing people to cross my personal borders by being completely passive, or attacking them. For example, when somebody criticises you, saying nothing might be not a good thing. An assertive answer can be: "(I am sorry, but) I disagree with you (though I understand you may think like that under the circumstances)". When an aggressive answer could be like: "Why should I listen to a loser like you?!". It's about respecting and being respected. Not easy, when the emotions are strong. It is though, but it's useful, I believe.