Desperate for Love

I've had a really hard time the last few years. I was already struggling in 2019, but then covid made it worse. I had some friends that weren't really the best to me and it really hit my feelings and self esteem. I kept getting ignored and ignored until it got almost painful.

Then even after I worked through that I got that symptom of depression where it feels like you have this "wall" up between you and the world. Even when I tried to socialize with my other friends and my family, I couldn't feel connected to them because of this invisible wall. I just didn't feel present with them and I couldn't feel good about it at all, even when we were having so much fun and good conversation.

As a result I feel so isolated and lonely. I'm trying to talk with people again, but this pain makes it hard for me to focus on other things, like my hobbies, or exercise, or even work I have to do- aka things that would help my mental health. I've finally stopped disassociating, and I am really happy and grateful for that, but it doesn't fix this hollowness I have in my chest from feeling like I haven't been "with" anyone for so long. When people don't respond to me, it actually hurts in my chest.

I guess this is me complaining. How do you fix this type of scar?