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Depressed for being myself. I'd appreciate any help/opinion

limeCar9479 October 22nd, 2022
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I'm an introvert I've been lonely my entire life, now after trying to know some girls (because I want a partner so bad due to my loneliness and high sex drive). They all didn't like my personality and kink-shamed me. All I did is being myself. I've seen many people online claim it's best to be yourself in order to have a good relationship and find the right partner but this isn't true in my case and it's making me very suicidal.

For instance, I've finally found this girl two weeks ago after abusing 4 dating apps. We had a successful first date because I didn't act like myself. She agreed to live with me. Told her she must pay half of the expenses and gave her a written list of rules she must follow. She was surprised but she agreed also.

I've asked her to call me daddy instead of my real name because I feel responsible and loved that way, she didn't like it at first but then did for me.

Things got bad when I felt comfortable with her. I wanted se* so bad but she only agreed on kissing. I loved her SOO much and I loved everything in her. At night as an act of appreciation for her and pleasure for me. When she falls asleep I try to go down and put my face near her private parts in order to get that amazing scent from her. It calms me down, helps me self- pleasure and eventually have the most peaceful sleep a human could get.

Unfortunately she didn't like that once she found out and decided it was enough. I begged her to stay but she said I'm a creep and I deserve death. That broke me even more. Couldn't understand why she even did all of that. I'm still surprised of her reaction.

Now I'm alone again,. heart broken, desperate and depressed.

4
October 22nd, 2022
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@limeCar9479 Hi. Being yourself is good advice, but I think you took it out of context. It’s just one part of a relationship. Sex is another part of a relationship, but no matter how horny you are, still just a part. A relationship with a girl can’t be about you and your needs only. You stepped out of your lane a bit in this relationship. You provided her with rules and demands and then moved into her personal space. Just because you’re in an intimate relationship doesn’t mean there are no boundaries.


When you first meet a girl, “being yourself”, doesn’t mean, be “all” of yourself. You have to be honest, don’t try to be someone you are not, but reveal yourself (your personality) slowly over several dates.

A girl doesn’t need just sex, and quite frankly they have tons of options to get sex from lots of horsey guys. They want to be cared about. They want to be listened to. They want some to be a friend and someone they can share their dreams with, their fears with, to share how well or how bad their day went.

You can learn to be less of an introvert to. It takes time. Learning how to date takes time. If you’re just in it for sex, you might not be as successful as if you decide to relate to your dates as interesting people that you really want to get to know.

Best of luck
limeCar9479 OP October 22nd, 2022
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Thank you for reaching out!

I truly appreciate your opinion and advice!


Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I was invading her personal space by doing that. I've done that because I had pure feelings for her.

I was trying to take care of her all the time. Maybe I wasn't the best listener but I think that wouldn't justify her reaction for calling me a creep and wishing me death.

I didn't date her just for sex. It took me 1 day to completely fall in love with her and I would wish her coming back even without sex. She blocked me now so I gave up...

I don't understand why she would hate my behavior of love and appreciation like smelling her at night and her underwear.

I hope not all the girls are like her. Maybe she doesn't deserve me afterall.

I will follow your advice and never mention sex early in the future. Unless i get signs from the girl.


Thank you!


October 22nd, 2022
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@limeCar9479 Just want to say, you don’t have to “understand” a boundary. Your motives don’t really matter. If someone has a boundary, don’t cross it. If you don’t know about the boundary until after you crossed it, then sincerely apologize. I’m also going to say that I kind of understand why that felt creepy to her. If she mentioned that she didn’t like it to you and you responded that you were doing it because you “love” her, you are effectively saying, “your boundaries are insignificant compared to my motives.” If I were that girl, I would have felt like nothing about me mattered to you. Your feeling like you can do whatever the hell you want to my body without my consent effectively feels like rape! That is why her reaction was so strong. I could be wrong, but if you consider her possible side it might be more useful than concluding she wasn’t the right girl for you.


You also “made rules”. Partly understandable if she is moving into your space. You made her call you daddy, but also said she didn’t like that at first. When a girl moves in with you, she is not a roommate. And when you ask her to do something that doesn’t feel comfortable to her, even if she later agrees might feel a bit like she is slowly becoming your prisoner. I think these might have been things that also contributed to your breakup. Treat your girl like a precious gift that you would want to only make her happy. People are not happy in cages and with rules and when they feel like they are just a sex toy for your enjoyment.

I hope this is taken as constructive criticism…but I imagine it might piss you off at first. I may have been a bit unfair in my judgement, I wasn’t there so I don’t know, but when I’ve been involved in a breakup, it never helped me to find fault with my ex, the only thing that helped was to see it from their side so I didn’t repeat the same mistake the next time. Relationships are hard, we all make tons of mistakes, sometimes more than once.

— All the best
bestVase7265 October 23rd, 2022
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One thing that might help as you begin to heal and consider dating again is doing much more listening. Relationships work best when you are thinking less about your needs and more about compromising and finding spots where you are both comfortable. @limeCar9479

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