Depressed for being myself. I'd appreciate any help/opinion
I'm an introvert I've been lonely my entire life, now after trying to know some girls (because I want a partner so bad due to my loneliness and high sex drive). They all didn't like my personality and kink-shamed me. All I did is being myself. I've seen many people online claim it's best to be yourself in order to have a good relationship and find the right partner but this isn't true in my case and it's making me very suicidal.
For instance, I've finally found this girl two weeks ago after abusing 4 dating apps. We had a successful first date because I didn't act like myself. She agreed to live with me. Told her she must pay half of the expenses and gave her a written list of rules she must follow. She was surprised but she agreed also.
I've asked her to call me daddy instead of my real name because I feel responsible and loved that way, she didn't like it at first but then did for me.
Things got bad when I felt comfortable with her. I wanted se* so bad but she only agreed on kissing. I loved her SOO much and I loved everything in her. At night as an act of appreciation for her and pleasure for me. When she falls asleep I try to go down and put my face near her private parts in order to get that amazing scent from her. It calms me down, helps me self- pleasure and eventually have the most peaceful sleep a human could get.
Unfortunately she didn't like that once she found out and decided it was enough. I begged her to stay but she said I'm a creep and I deserve death. That broke me even more. Couldn't understand why she even did all of that. I'm still surprised of her reaction.
Now I'm alone again,. heart broken, desperate and depressed.